Foreplay often doesn't get enough credit — not to mention time or attention. In one study of heterosexual couples published in the Journal of Sexual Research, both women and men reported that their ideal duration of foreplay was 20 minutes. Most participants, however, reported spending an average of only about half that much time on foreplay. This neglected step in your sexual escapades can be the key to an even more explosive main course, though — whatever that may be. ("Main course" doesn't have to mean intercourse!)
To celebrate the build-up to whichever activity is the star attraction of your sexual encounters, we're sharing people's accounts of their favorite forms of foreplay. From oiled-up massages to dirty talk to PDA, these techniques set a sexy tone. They might even inspire you to up your own foreplay game. Light a massage candle and click through for the details; then, check back as we continue to update this story with fresh ideas.
“I love it when my guy plays with my clit before sex, but it can be almost painful when he touches it directly on the head. It feels much better when he rubs the hood or the side, then maybe licks it and sucks on it gently, then puts his fingers inside of me to give it a break before returning his attention to it. That builds up the sensation and keeps me from getting so sensitive that we have to stop.”
Illustrated by: Paola Delucca
“Play with my nipples! Softly at first, and then pinch, bite, twist, and squeeze them. I like them to hurt a little bit. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you if it gets to be too much. Also, it feels really luxurious when my partner and I spend more than just a few minutes on foreplay — when we get up to 15 minutes of foreplay or more is when intercourse feels the best."
Illustrated By Paola Delucca.
"Do not be afraid to break out a vibrator with your partner! I love it when my boyfriend uses my Hitachi Magic Wand on me — and he really loves it when I use it on myself for him to watch.”
Illustrated By Paola Delucca.
"Honestly, the best foreplay might be just talking about what turns you on and what you want your partner to do to you. It sounds so obvious, and it is, but people don’t do it as much as they should, instead trying to figure everything out by trial and error. I’m not saying spontaneity isn’t sexy, but I love it when someone looks me in the eyes and asks what they can do to make me feel good."
Illustrated By Paola Delucca.
"I love to watch an Italian film called Come Undone. It tracks the lifespan of an adulterous relationship between two people: their meeting, their affair, and then (spoiler) their downfall and break-up. The sex scenes themselves are pretty amazing. (Again, it's an Italian film.) But I do have to say, I think that I also love this movie because cheating is one of those weird fantasies of mine. Not something I'd do in a healthy relationship, of course — but there's something exciting in the thought of carrying on a sexy affair and always wondering if you're going to get caught."
Illustrated By Paola Delucca.
"A little PDA — public making-out or over-the-pants stimulation — is so crazy-underrated."
Illustrated By Paola Delucca.
"I have this scented massage oil that feels like liquid jelly, minus the stickiness. I like to rub his shoulders and back with it. Usually, after a few minutes, he'll get so turned on that he will flip me over, and we'll start making out... It really turns me on, too — and I love the feeling of the oil on my body."
Illustrated By Paola Delucca.
"69-ing or simply sitting on my partner’s face — either facing his feet or the other way — always does it for me. There’s something so intimate about it, and the position hits all the right spots."
Illustrated By Paola Delucca.
"Fingering. Attention, men: The choices are not limited to penis or tongue. Manual stimulation can be better than both, in my humble opinion. It's also really nice if there's some manual stimulation while he's whispering dirty stuff into my ear."
Illustrated By Paola Delucca.
"One of the hottest things my partner does is when we’re in public, surrounded by people...he leans in to whisper in my ear how much he wants me: 'You look so good in that dress — I’m going to rip it off you later,' or 'I can’t wait to get you home.' I can actually feel myself getting wet, and until we get home, we have a little secret that heightens our anticipation."
Illustrated By Paola Delucca.
"With long-term partners, I really like to take a shower together. Especially after work — really wash off the day so I can feel clean and not stressed. [It's a] great way to reset for both parties, and a great excuse to just chuck your clothes off immediately."
Illustrated By Paola Delucca.
"The sexiest thing my partner can do for me is to just touch me all over. My current partner likes to take his time and run his fingers all up and down my body to start. Then, he likes to rub my back and my legs and eventually work his way up until he's stimulating me with his fingers. Just the attention he gives me by touching me all over is such a turn-on that it instantly gets me in the mood."
Illustrated By Paola Delucca.Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
The Sex Toys You Didn't Know You Needed