Welcome toMoney Diaries , where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking millennials how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last dollar.

Today: an account coordinator working in public relations who makes $50,000 per year and spends some of her money this week on beer.

Occupation: Account Coordinator
Industry: Public Relations
Age: 24
Location: New York, NY
Salary: $50,000
Paycheck Amount (2x/month): $1,553
Gender Identity: Woman

Monthly Expenses
Rent: $1,438 for one bedroom in a four-bedroom apartment
Student Loans: $0 (I went to an affordable public school that my parents offered to pay for.)
Health Insurance: $0 (I'm on my mom's plan.)
Utilities: $40-$70
Metro Card: $127 (taken out of my paycheck pre-tax)
Cleaning Lady: $22
Spotify + Hulu: $10
Netflix: $0 (My mom pays.)
Juul Pods: $18 (monthly subscription for two packs)
Savings: I have $5,000 in a regular savings account and $5,000 in a high-yield savings account. Not currently contributing monthly because I'm comfortable with my safety net, and I also can't afford to.

Day One

8:05 a.m. — My alarm rings and pulls me out of some really weird dream that I can't remember involving a crazy cat and an unfriendly Dunkin' Donuts cashier. I stumble into the bathroom to wash up, moisturize my face, apply mascara, and throw on a black-and-white striped jumpsuit. I make a quick breakfast of a few pieces of salami and Havarti cheese on a piece of bread, throw it in my bag, and am out the door in half an hour. I catch the crosstown bus to the train and then take it to work.

9:30 a.m. — I make an iced coffee when I get to the office and pour myself some water. I scroll through Twitter and catch up on emails to start off my morning while eating the makeshift breakfast sandwich.

12:30 p.m. — The rest of the morning is spent on a client call and sending emails and inviting media to an upcoming event. I break for lunch, which is a plate of mashed potatoes, two katleti (Russian meatballs), asparagus, and cauliflower, all of which my mom cooked and I snatched from my parents' house when I visited on Sunday.

3 p.m. — I spend the afternoon half working on a client report, half browsing the web. I hear there's leftover lunch in the common area from a meeting, so I head over and snag some. I always feel like I need something sweet after lunch, even though I'm generally not a sweets person.

5:30 p.m. — The day is finally over, and I head out of the office to catch the train uptown. I sit by Central Park and talk to my mom on the phone while I wait for my friend E. to meet me. She asked me to come to a jazz show with her after her date bailed last minute (because men are trash), and I'm happy to catch up and have a much-needed drink. We're both hungry, so we stop by some random “gourmet” deli where I get a slice of chicken Caesar salad pizza and a regular slice and a bottle of water, and she gets a soup. We quickly eat outside before heading over to the theater. $9.80

9 p.m. — The show was lovely, and I genuinely enjoyed it despite not being a huge jazz fan. There was a two-drink minimum, so I got two glasses of house Pinot Grigio that were undrinkable and tasted like vinegar. I finished them both anyway, obviously. E. put our drinks on her card, and I Venmo her for my half, plus tip. We take the train back downtown and then a bus. I get home, wash my face, and head to bed, where I scroll through my phone for half an hour before passing out. $35

Daily Total: $44.80

Day Two

7:55 a.m. — I'm up before my alarm because my anxiety will occasionally wake me up around this time to get in the bathroom before my roommate takes a lengthy shower and makes me late for work. Wash up, moisturize, mascara, and throw my hair up into a third-day greasy ponytail. I put on loose pink summer pants and a black T-shirt. Then I let in the cleaning lady, who comes once a month to just clean the apartment's common areas while I throw together my breakfast with the salami and cheese and am out the door. I also grab my workout clothes with me, fully knowing I will likely get too lazy and go straight home after work.

9:15 a.m. — Iced coffee, water, eat sandwich, Twitter, emails, etc.

12:30 p.m. — It's a slow day and I didn't bring lunch from home, so I go outside to pick something up. There's a farmer's market, and I walk through it with a child-like glee because there's something so adorable about a farmer's market in the middle of Midtown. I buy three white nectarines ($2.25) and a few buttermilk biscuits ($3.50). Then I walk over to a nearby deli and pick up a tuna wrap for actual lunch ($9.80) and walk back to eat at the office. $15.55

1:30 p.m. — We get a building email that there is lunch being served. I'm pissed that I paid ten bucks for lunch. I grab two slices of pizza (one for later) and two cookies (one for later) because I can't say no to free food. I spend another hour sitting around chatting and eating with coworkers before heading back to my desk.

5 p.m. — The rest of the day is filled with client reports and emails. At 5, I join some coworkers for happy hour. Halfway through my first beer, I remember my plans to go to the gym and consider setting it down unfinished and leaving…until I strike up a conversation with a really cool woman from the office next door. We polish off our beers and get another, and before I realize it, it's been an hour. Definitely not going to the gym.

7:30 p.m. — I catch the train and the bus home and hop in the shower immediately to wash my hair with enough time for it to air dry. I have really long hair that takes a while to dry, and I hate using a blowdryer, so on hair-washing days I am in for the night and cannot do anything else, lol. Two of my roommates and I spend the rest of the evening on the couch, and we start Fleabag. I eat one of the biscuits and one of the nectarines I purchased at the farmer's market earlier.

10:30 p.m. — I brush my hair once it's dry and crawl into bed to swipe through Hinge for a bit before passing out.

Daily Total: $15.55

Day Three

8:05 a.m. — Alarm, bathroom, etc. I put on a paisley black-and-white dress. I throw a chambray button-down in my bag to cover up in the office, throw a biscuit and nectarine in my bag for breakfast, and head out.

9 a.m. — I stop by the pharmacy before walking into the office because I need to restock on some toiletries. I pick up deodorant and makeup remover. $20.66

12:30 p.m. — It's summer Friday, and I'm trying to get through my work so I can leave early, which doesn't leave a ton of time for lunch. I eat the cold slice of pizza I put aside yesterday at my desk while working on a report.

2 p.m. — It's the last day in the office for our interns, so we got a huge cake. I stuff two pieces in my face, even though I haven't had a proper lunch because I have low blood sugar and can't afford to crash and get the shakes. I'm almost wrapped up for the day, so naturally one of my clients sends an email with a last-minute request.

4 p.m. — The task is done, and I head out of the office only an hour later. I'm heading over to my friend's apartment to hang, but decide to stop by Zara to return some items first. I pick up a pair of shorts, a T-shirt, and a skirt to buy, but end up not paying because of the exchange. I actually get $8.90 refunded after the return.

7:30 p.m. — I spend a few hours hanging out with my friends. I'm starving and they're both meeting two other guys for dinner later, which I'm not joining because one of the guys is a friend who tore my heart clean out my chest a few months ago, and I have cut him out completely. I Seamless pork dumplings, popcorn chicken, and two bubble teas to my friend's apartment. He Venmos me for his bubble tea. I head out when he lets me know the others will be meeting him soon, as I don't want to run into them in the lobby. $25

12 a.m. — I spend the rest of the evening watching Fleabag on my couch, wash up, and head to bed.

Daily Total: $45.66

Day Four

10:30 a.m. — I've been up, tossing around and half sleeping since 8 a.m., but I finally get out of bed. I walk over to Starbucks to pick up an iced coffee. I don't need to spend the money on this and will almost always make my own breakfast, but Starbucks is a solid walk from my apartment, and otherwise I would have no reason to leave my apartment in the mornings, which I like because it makes me feel like a real person. I'm not sure if the money in my account will cover my coffee, so I reload it with $10. $10

1 p.m. — I throw an egg on top of some bread with salami and cheese and drink my coffee while watching Fleabag. My friend comes over to pregame, because we're meeting friends at the MoMA PS1 Warm Up Saturday series. I have two White Claws that he brought with him as I get ready, and remember to go online and buy the actual ticket to the event. $20

2:15 p.m. — I call the Uber because I have 50% off. I make a mental note to Venmo request my friend for half but end up forgetting. $10

4:30 p.m. — We get to the venue, and it's a perfect hot day for an outdoor music event. There's hammocks and bars everywhere. I get an aperol spritz to start with, which my friend and I both agree is disgusting, but I finish it anyway. Later on I try a pre-bottled cocktail that tastes like all juice and no vodka, and then have two beers and a hotdog. My friend gets me a third beer because they're at the front of the line. $65.96

7:30 p.m. — We decide to head out, and I call an Uber back. Everyone Venmos me for their share, so I only pay $4. $4

12:30 a.m. — We go to a bar to get real food and keep drinking. I get a roasted cauliflower and Gruyere dish and two Allagash beers. One friend pays, and we all Venmo her ($37). Some people leave and I'm left as the third wheel, but I stay for one more beer ($10). $47

1 a.m. — I Uber home, wash my face, and hit the hay. $4.27

Daily Total: $161.23

Day Five

11:30 a.m. — I wake up at around 8 again but spend a few more hours drifting in and out of sleep. Finally I decide to get up and head over to Starbucks, mostly to force myself to get out of pajamas and go outside for a minute. I get an iced matcha latte with the money already on my card from yesterday.

2 p.m. — Most of the afternoon is spent on the couch watching Fleabag. I make eggs to put on bread and cheese (ran out of salami, sad). I finally get up to throw two loads of laundry in and have to put money on my roommate's laundry card because I have no idea where mine is. $10

5 p.m. — In between laundry and TV, I realize the chicken I took out of the freezer earlier will never thaw in time to make for dinner, so I order a Greek salad with chicken on Seamless for dinner. I finish Fleabag (and am so heartbroken — what an absolutely amazing show, and I cannot believe there won't be a third season) and watch the final episode of Big Little Lies, then last week's episode of Euphoria. When I'm caught up on those, I start Six Feet Under. $12

10:45 p.m. — I don't even realize how late it is, and I still have to put the laundered sheets on my bed. No more TV. I change my sheets and am fast asleep.

Daily Total: $22

Day Six

7:55 a.m. — I'm up 10 minutes before my alarm because I hear bedroom doors opening and closing, but no one is in the bathroom, so I dart up and get in there before anyone else can make me late. I throw on a short-ish red dress that is cute, casual, and office-appropriate and head out.

9 a.m. — I'm at the office a half hour early, but someone is already in, so I can't even cherish the quiet time before the day starts. I make an iced coffee and sit on Twitter for a bit while the internal engine gets heated up.

12 p.m. — I've been starving for the last hour, so I break to go to Dos Toros for a burrito bowl. It's mediocre at best and makes me miss Chipotle, but I was too lazy to walk the extra block. I'm beating myself up for spending money on food, but I really did try yesterday! That damn un-thawed chicken. I vow to not spend any more money eating out this week. $11.63

5:30 p.m. — The rest of the day is spent on calls and working through various client items, waiting for the day to end. I stop by the grocery store in my apartment building's plaza that I typically try to avoid because it grosses me out, but I only need sweet potatoes, broccoli, and parchment paper, which is not worth standing on a Trader Joe's line for. Normally, I would do a TJ's haul on Monday after work, but I don't feel comfortable spending money on one this week. $13

7:30 p.m. — I attempt sweet-potato fries in the oven, along with some oven-roasted broccoli with a buttery garlic-lemon drizzle, and throw a few chicken breasts on a pan on the stove. Everything comes out mediocre at best, but that is the upside of only cooking for yourself. I'll eat it no matter what it comes out like. The fries are disappointingly soft and mushy. I eat on the couch while catching up on last night's new Euphoria, but can only get halfway through it when my roommate joins me on the couch to watch The Bachelorette. I have exactly zero interest in the show but prefer winding down in the living room rather than being locked away in my bedroom, so I've been watching with her every week.

10:30 p.m. — The show wraps up, and I empty the dishwasher so my roommate can fill it, wash my face, and go to sleep.

Daily Total: $24.63

Day Seven

7:55 a.m. — Up before my alarm again. I get half ready by 8:30 when I hop on a client call while I continue to get ready. The call goes a little long, so I have time to clean my room up a bit while listening. I put on a white T-shirt with ruffle sleeves and white and light blue striped jeans, throw last night's leftovers into my bag, and am out the door by 9 a.m.

9:45 a.m. — Iced coffee, Twitter, emails, general existential dread.

12 p.m. — I spend the morning following up on press releases and fielding media requests. I'm starving, so I heat up the leftover chicken, sweet-potato fries, and broccoli. There's cake for the office birthdays, so I take a slice for now and save one for later.

3:30 p.m. — I hear my coworker opening a bag of animal crackers and immediately descend upon her. I don't know what it is, the flavor or the nostalgia, that makes me obsessed with animal crackers. I have a fistful.

5:30 p.m. — Out of the office and straight home. One of my roommates and I get into the elevator at the same time, and decide to head back down to the gross grocery store because she wants to pick some things up for dinner. I'm not sure what I'll have for dinner tonight, so I grab my wallet despite knowing I don't want to buy anything. She picks up some stuff for tuna salad, but I behave. Back in the apartment, I have a can of sardines with some bread for dinner. I know people might think this is gross, but I've never thought anything weird of sardines, as Russian households have several cans in the pantry, and I grew up snacking on them in between full meals.

10 p.m. — My roommate and I spend the rest of the evening on the couch, first watching reruns of Friends and then the finale of The Bachelorette. I internally berate myself the entire time for not watching the Democratic debate instead, especially because I don't even enjoy Bach, but I figure I can catch up on what I missed at work in the morning, and promise to watch the second leg of it tomorrow. After the Bachelorette finale, I wash my face and hop into bed, where I spend 15 minutes on Hinge talking to a guy who seems pretty decent so far. I decide to stop answering because we've been sending novels back and forth to each other, and I'll just ask him if he wants to get drinks tomorrow morning.

Daily Total: $0

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On Saturday and Sunday morning, a combined total of 29 people died after mass shootings in El Paso, TX, and Dayton, OH, respectively. In an El Paso Walmart, 20 people were killed and over two dozen injured. In Dayton, nine people were killed and 27 injured early Sunday morning at a neighborhood bar in the city’s Oregon District. The two tragedies bring America to a total of 251 mass shootings so far this year, according to Gun Violence Archive (the organization defines a mass shooting as one that kills at least four people).

Many Americans are using social media to express that it’s time to end gun violence — and that it’s time for our leaders to do something. Celebrities including Rihanna, Lili Reinhart, Nick Jonas, and Reese Witherspoon shared their sympathies for the victims of these deadly shootings and their desire for gun control law reform on Twitter and Instagram.

View this post on Instagram

Um... Donald, you spelt “terrorism” wrong! Your country had 2 terrorist attacks back to back hours apart leaving almost 30 innocent people dead. This, just days after yet another terrorist attack in California, where a terrorist was able to LEGALLY purchase an assault rifle (AK-47) in Vegas, then drive hours to a food festival in Cali leaving 6 more people dead including a young infant baby boy! Imagine a world where it’s easier to get an AK-47 than a VISA! Imagine a world where they build a wall to keep terrorists IN AMERICA!!! My prayers and deepest condolences to the families and loved ones of all the victims from Texas, California, and Ohio! I’m so sorry for your loss! Nobody deserves to die like this! NOBODY!

A post shared by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on Aug 4, 2019 at 10:27am PDT

I am sick to my stomach over what has happened in El Paso today. I can’t believe this is happening in my country and no one is doing anything about it. Who has to die for laws to change?

— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) August 3, 2019

Any member of congress who is not actively in the fight for gun safety reform, is not fit to represent us. Period. The inaction is reprehensible. 2 mass shootings in 24 hours? We simply can’t stand by and let this continue to happen. #VoteThemOut

— Mandy Moore (@TheMandyMoore) August 4, 2019

Heartbroken hearing the news from El Paso. Sending my thoughts and prayers to all the victims and families. So sad. So senseless. We need change.

— Nick Jonas (@nickjonas) August 4, 2019

Malls, elementary schools, workplaces, food festivals, concerts, movie theaters, places of worship— our lack of responsible #guncontrolnow laws are destroying innocent lives everywhere. My heart is devastated for all the victims & their families.

— Constance Wu (@ConstanceWu) August 4, 2019

There are no words. My heart breaks for the friends and families of the El Paso victims. Praying for all of you. We must do more to stop these senseless acts of gun violence.

— Reese Witherspoon (@ReeseW) August 4, 2019

Woke up to the news of #DaytonOH shooting. This senseless loss of life is unbearable. When will our US representatives give the people of this country the common sense gun laws we are all demanding? I’m calling my congressman. Again. @Everytown

— Reese Witherspoon (@ReeseW) August 4, 2019

Armie Hammer pointed to another problem: the expensive medical bills that shooting survivors end up having to pay.

Friendly reminder: there has been more than 1 mass shooting per day (251 in total) this year... and of the people who didn’t die and went to the hospital, just remember that 62% of all American bankruptcies are due to medical bills. #GodBlessAmerica

— Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) August 4, 2019

Chelsea Peretti pushed Walmart, who are historically, one of America’s largest and most accessible gun retailers, and the site of the El Paso shooting, to join the fight for gun reform.

YES @Walmart YOU SHOULD CHANGE COURSE https://t.co/LKXRQ9gjGn

— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) August 3, 2019

Others, like John Legend and Gigi Hadid, are directly addressing and blaming President Donald Trump. Hadid went on Instagram to post the definition of stochastic terrorism, underlining the words “the use of mass public communication...which incites or inspires acts of terrorism.” In red, she wrote, “@realdonaldtrump.”

John Legend reshared a video about how Trump inspires white supremacy in America. “The President regularly inspires killers,” Legend added. “He is part of the problem.”

When we condemn the racist venom coming from the President's mouth and point out the bigotry of his policies, it's not an academic question, it's not a political game, it's about life and death. The President regularly inspires killers. He is a part of the problem

— John Legend (@johnlegend) August 4, 2019

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A shooter killed nine and injured 27 more in a mass shooting early Sunday morning in Dayton, OH, the city's mayor, Nan Whaley, said in a press conference. The incident took place on the street outside of and around Ned Peppers Bar, and local police say the shooting began around 1 a.m. ET, the Associated Press reports. “We had officers in the immediate vicinity when this shooting began and were able to respond and put an end to it quickly,” Dayton Police Lt. Col. Matt Carper told the Dayton Daily News.

The shooting happened 20 hours after another mass shooting killed 20 and injured 26 in El Paso, TX.

The shooter, who officials named as 24-year-old Connor Betts of Bellbrook, OH, was killed on the site by police within one minute of engaging with the officers. No suspect or motive has yet been identified, but Carper said in a press conference that due to the short amount of time in which the shooting occurred "it was hard to imagine there was much discrimination" in them. He was wearing body armor and carrying a .223-caliber rifle with extra high-capacity magazines, Whaley said in a press conference.

Fifteen of the 27 people injured have been discharged, Whaley said in the press conference. Most suffered from gunshot wounds, CNN reports, but others were treated for injuries such as cuts sustained while trying to flee the shooting.

Whaley tweeted that she is "heartbroken," and thanked the city's first responders.

I’m heartbroken. Thank you to our first responders for all that you’ve done. We will share updates as we have more information.

— Nan Whaley (@nanwhaley) August 4, 2019

Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine tweeted similar sentiments, adding that he had offered Whaley and Dayton the assistance of the Ohio State Highway Patrol, as well as ordering state flags to be flown at half-mast and saying he spoke with President Donald Trump.

Fran and I are absolutely heartbroken over the horrible attack that occurred this morning in Dayton. We join those across Ohio and this country in offering our prayers to victims and their families.

— Governor Mike DeWine (@GovMikeDeWine) August 4, 2019

Trump sent condolences to victims of the Dayton and El Paso shootings on Sunday morning, saying that the FBI is working with local law enforcement in both cities following the two mass shootings this weekend.

The FBI, local and state law enforcement are working together in El Paso and in Dayton, Ohio. Information is rapidly being accumulated in Dayton. Much has already be learned in El Paso. Law enforcement was very rapid in both instances. Updates will be given throughout the day!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 4, 2019

The Oregon District will be open this afternoon, Whaley said, but that businesses on the street may decide whether to open for the day.

This is a breaking news story. It will be updated with new information as it becomes available.

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This weekend, two deadly mass shootings occurred, one in El Paso, TX, and another in Dayton, OH. At a Walmart in El Paso, 20 people were killed and more than two dozen more were injured. Just hours later, nine people were killed and at least 27 were injured in Dayton, near the bar Ned Peppers. Politicians across the U.S. responded to the tragic mass shootings, with most expressing empathy for the victims, and others calling for immediate gun reform.

President Donald Trump offered thoughts and prayers to the victims, and took the time to praise the rapid response of law enforcement. Currently, the shooting in El Paso, is being investigated as an act of domestic terrorism. Trump’s response appears to be a markedly different tone from his comments on the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, VA.

....Melania and I send our heartfelt thoughts and prayers to the great people of Texas.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 4, 2019

God bless the people of El Paso Texas. God bless the people of Dayton, Ohio.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 4, 2019

The FBI, local and state law enforcement are working together in El Paso and in Dayton, Ohio. Information is rapidly being accumulated in Dayton. Much has already be learned in El Paso. Law enforcement was very rapid in both instances. Updates will be given throughout the day!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 4, 2019

Vice President Mike Pence also expressed sympathy for the situation.

We mourn with those who lost loved ones in El Paso and Dayton & are praying for the injured and the families. There is no place in America for acts of violence, hatred and racism. We condemn these evil acts & stand with the people of Texas and Ohio. May God bless you all.

— Vice President Mike Pence (@VP) August 4, 2019

Ivanka Trump also tweeted condolences, and called for condemnation of the acts.

As our nation mourns the senseless loss of life in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio and prays for the victims and their loved ones, we must also raise our voices in rejection of these heinous and cowardly acts of hate, terror and violence.

— Ivanka Trump (@IvankaTrump) August 4, 2019

Former Texas Rep. and El Paso native Beto O'Rourke was among the first of the 2020 Democratic presidential candidates on the ground in Texas, where he shared his thoughts.

El Paso is one of the strongest communities on the planet. Everyone donating blood, bringing food to University Medical Center, & rallying for those families makes me so inspired—and they've got to compel us to do everything possible to make sure this does not continue to happen. pic.twitter.com/cngOIlkz7O

— Beto O'Rourke (@BetoORourke) August 4, 2019

Former San Antonio mayor and Democratic presidential candidate Julián Castro also responded to the events, emphasizing that gun reform must be passed.

We can’t forget that those 29 were not the only ones killed or wounded by a gun this weekend.

A shooter in Chicago wounded 7.

8,734 people have been killed by guns this year. Over 17,000 injured.

There have been more mass shootings than days this year.

We need #GunReformNow

— Julián Castro (@JulianCastro) August 4, 2019

Numerous other Texas politicians, including Sen. John Cornyn, Gov. Greg Abbott, El Paso Mayor Dee Margo, and Attorney General Ken Paxton responded to the shooting.

Adair and I, with the rest of El Paso will pray for our victims and honor their memories together. Our community will not be defined by this senseless act of violence. #ElPasoStrong #MayorMargo https://t.co/S0Lh6fonIv

— Mayor Dee Margo (@mayor_margo) August 4, 2019

Violence against another human being because of their ethnicity is one of the most disgusting forms of evil that exists. It must be rooted out, white supremacy has no place in this world.

— Dan Crenshaw (@DanCrenshawTX) August 4, 2019

More food and water for families than can be consumed.

Lines stretching around the buildings in order to donate blood.

This is El Paso.

No one can shatter the generous spirit and beauty of this community.

Hate doesn’t divide El Paso. It unites us against it. https://t.co/inRQJKAIMX

— Rep. Veronica Escobar (@RepEscobar) August 4, 2019

Now in the beautiful city of El Paso.

Texans grieve today for the people of this wonderful place.

We unite in support of all the victims.

We thank First Responders for their swift action.

We ask God to bind up the wounds of all who’ve been harmed. pic.twitter.com/2l8jDPHbe1

— Greg Abbott (@GregAbbott_TX) August 3, 2019

Our hearts go out to the families of those killed and injured in El Paso today. We stand with all El Pasoans in the face of this senseless violence, and thank the brave @eppolice officers & first responders. I stand ready to help @ElPasoTXGov and @Mayor_Margo any way I can.

— Senator John Cornyn (@JohnCornyn) August 3, 2019

As tragic news is reported from El Paso, please know that my office will give full support to federal, state, and local law enforcement who are on the scene. Our deepest sympathies and prayers extend to all who have been impacted by this tragedy.

— Ken Paxton (@KenPaxtonTX) August 3, 2019

My heart is heavy for the victims of today’s shooting, their loved ones and the El Paso community. Grateful for the efforts of our first responders. As we wait to learn more, please stay safe, avoid the Cielo Vista area and follow @EPPOLICE for updates.

— Rep. Will Hurd (@HurdOnTheHill) August 3, 2019

We must condemn in the strongest terms any such acts of hatred, violence and terrorism. I thank all first responders and law enforcement involved for their bravery as investigations continue.

— John Ratcliffe (@RepRatcliffe) August 4, 2019

We grieve today for El Paso & those who lost their lives to senseless gun violence. We are grateful for the heroic first responders, but 15th District of Texas mourns for the victims, their families & those affected by this mass shooting. I will continue to monitor the situation.

— Rep. Vicente Gonzalez (@RepGonzalez) August 3, 2019

Ohio politicians, including Democratic Sen. Sherrod Brown and Dayton Mayor Nan Whaley, also weighed in as they woke to the news that a shooting had occurred in their state so soon after the one in Texas.

As Ohio wakes up this morning to the news of this horrific attack, Connie and I are filled with sadness for the victims and their families and gratitude for the police officers who responded to the scene and the medical professionals caring for the injured.

— Sherrod Brown (@SenSherrodBrown) August 4, 2019

I’m heartbroken. Thank you to our first responders for all that you’ve done. We will share updates as we have more information.

— Nan Whaley (@nanwhaley) August 4, 2019

Our heart and prayers go out to the victims and their families. God bless the First Responders who saved lives. Please keep Dayton in your thoughts and prayers.

— Phil Plummer for State Rep. (@PhilPlummerOH40) August 4, 2019

I went to bed with a heavy heart because of #ElPaso and woke up to the tragic news from #Dayton. These senseless acts of violence must stop.

— Rob Portman (@senrobportman) August 4, 2019

Several 2020 Democratic presidential candidates, including Sens. Kamala Harris, Kirsten Gillibrand, Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Cory Booker, Amy Klobuchar, author Marianne Williamson, South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigeig, Rep. Tulsi Gabbard, and former Vice President Joe Biden, also responded to the two mass shootings, most calling for legislation to be passed quickly in response.

According to authorities, 9 people were killed and 26 were injured in the Dayton shooting. It lasted less than a minute.

Less than a minute.

We cannot remain idle and allow this level of carnage to ravage our communities. We need courage. We need to act.

— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) August 4, 2019

Not even 24 hours later and there’s another mass shooting. Gun violence in America is a public health epidemic—yet we have done almost nothing to address it.

To the victims and their loved ones in Dayton: My heart is with you.

This. Must. Stop. https://t.co/YkKUQP4JwA

— Kirsten Gillibrand (@SenGillibrand) August 4, 2019

Tonight I’m heartsick for El Paso & I’m once again disgusted by the GOP leadership in Washington. Americans shouldn’t have to live in fear that if they go to Walmart, or a festival, or school, or just walk down the street that they won’t make it home alive. This has to stop.

— Elizabeth Warren (@SenWarren) August 3, 2019

Mitch McConnell should bring the Senate back into session immediately to pass HR 8, the gun safety bill that has already passed the House. That's a first step to addressing our serious gun violence epidemic.

— Bernie Sanders (@BernieSanders) August 4, 2019

Enough. We need to end this national nightmare. Praying for everyone affected by this unspeakable tragedy, and for our country to find the moral courage to take action to end this carnage. https://t.co/vqTMSlbR8j

— Cory Booker (@CoryBooker) August 3, 2019

My heart breaks for El Paso and those killed and injured by another mass shooting. This can’t keep happening. It just can’t. Every day Congress refuses to act and pass gun laws is a horrible omission of responsibility. This is a tragedy.

— Amy Klobuchar (@amyklobuchar) August 3, 2019

We must outlaw all assault style weapons for civilian use. Even then, there will still be millions of them on the street. Next we need to outlaw the manufacture and sale of the bullets that they carry.

— Marianne Williamson (@marwilliamson) August 3, 2019

Our country is under attack from white nationalist terrorism, inspiring murder on our soil and abetted by weak gun laws. If we are serious about national security, we must summon the courage to name and defeat this evil.

— Pete Buttigieg (@PeteButtigieg) August 3, 2019

Sending all of our love and strength to the people of El Paso during this terrible tragedy. Thank you to the brave first responders, putting their lives on the line to prevent more from being killed. We can and must come together to prevent these senseless shootings.

— Tulsi Gabbard (@TulsiGabbard) August 3, 2019

At least 29 lives stolen, families broken, communities shattered in El Paso and Dayton within 13 hours. Dozens more wounded. Between those two mass shootings, dozens more were killed and injured by gun violence that didn't make national headlines.

— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) August 4, 2019

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Disney's live-action version of Mulan is facing controversy today after reports surfaced that actress Liu Yifei, who is set to play the titular warrior in the upcoming Disney film, posted a message on Chinese social-media site Weibo in support of the police in Hong Kong.

"I support the Hong Kong police. You can all attack me now. What a shame for Hong Kong," Yifei is reported to have written.

Many in China believe that the Hong Kong police used excessive force on protestors who were peacefully demonstrating for government reforms. This week, the Chinese government this week likened the actions of the protestors to that of terrorists.

Twitter users shared the hashtag #BoycottMulan in response to Yifei's comments. Some noted that the legend of Hua Mulan — about a fifth-century Chinese woman who disguises herself as a man to take her father’s place in the army — is about fighting for the defenseless. In this case, many felt that the Hong Kong police, who reportedly used tear gas on protestors as well as other measures considered extreme, could be likened to the oppressors in the legend, which was adapted for the animated film.

I feel so bad for everyone who worked so hard on this film. One person’s actions threw everyone else’s hard work down the drain. Think before you act. #BoycottMulan pic.twitter.com/8sQJ3Gwriv

— Nima 🏹 (@nimapatell) August 16, 2019

Yes we're different but don't forget Human Rights is the fundamental life and freedoms that everyone shall enjoy it since we were born. All human beings are legally equal. Shame on you Liu Yifei and China #BoycottMulan pic.twitter.com/M9axIXaHlU

— jaimah🐶educatedʕథ౪థʔ (@janjaimah) August 16, 2019

Mulan is fighting for the defenseless peeps and Liu Yifei is supporting hongkong brutality. #BoycottMulan pic.twitter.com/nFOWBp788e

— G A G O (@iellyssa) August 16, 2019

#BoycottMulan there’s never a reason to support police brutality pic.twitter.com/vsMKFkEUlK

— 🌈🤖 (@spicypicasso) August 15, 2019

In the 1998 classic, Ming-Na Wen voices Mulan, while Lea Salonga provides her singing voice. Disney went through an extensive casting process to find their Mulan for the live-action movie: The company sought a young actress who was ethnically Chinese and auditioned thousands for the part. A trailer for the upcoming film hit the internet in July, but now, many of the top YouTube comments are about Yifei's alleged support of the Hong Kong police.

Mulan is slated for release March 27, 2020.

Disney could not be reached for comment at time of publication. Refinery29 has reached out to Yifei for comment.

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You can find just about everything you need in New York City. Pizza at 2 a.m.? Duh. Yoga studios that play hip hop? No problem. The perfect backdrop for a killer Instagram in any 'hood? That's easy. That's why it's no surprise that the city that never sleeps has some of the best in the biz when it comes to our beauty needs — especially makeup.

With all that goes on in New York City, from showers to weddings to the fanciest galas, there's always an opportunity to get extra glam. That's where the pros come in, because as much as we've learned from YouTube tutorials, there's just something about getting your makeup done by an artist that takes your whole look to an entirely new level.

But with so many different businesses on every block, plus an abundance of pro artists on social media, it can be overwhelming to find the right artist. Fret not, because we're here to help. A handful of our beauty team's favorite makeup studios and freelance artists in New York City, ahead.

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When it comes to clinical skin care that actually works, Dermstore is the Internet's best kept secret. Whether you're looking for an eczema -soothing moisturizer to acne -fighting spot treatments, the beauty e-tailer houses some of the best luxury and cosmeceutical brands out there. (If you know, you know.)

Well, Dermstore is celebrating its 20th birthday by debuting a spiffy new redesign and a week-long sale that kicks off today. From now until the August 25, you can take up to 25% off on select brands including Sunday Riley, GlamGlow, and St. Tropez. (There's also a mixed bag of makeup brands to take advantage of, like Beautyblender, fancy brush purveyor Artis, and feel-good natural beauty company Tarte.) In order to take advantage of the savings, all you need to do is enter promo code CELEBRATE at checkout, and if you're a Dermstore Rewards member, you can even earn double points on select brands to stretch your savings. From the one hair dryer you'll ever need to the Internet's favorite eyeliner, here's what we're shopping from the sale.

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

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While Reformation sells the full suite of wardrobe staples — tops, bottoms, denim, shoes, and even like-minded brands like Girlfriend Collective and Patagonia — it’s probably their flowing, plunging, gam-exposing frocks that have gotten them the most recognition since their launch in 2009. No one does a bohemian-flavored wrap dress or figure-hugging mini quite like this sustainable, Los Angeles-based brand, and they’ve long been our gown go-to every time we get a Save The Date for a wedding, milestone birthday party, bachelorette, first date, meet-the-parents dinner, or, just about anything where we want to look cute.

So of course, when Reformation announced that their much-anticipated summer sale, we made a beeline for the dress section. While we may add a top or jean (or two) to our carts, we know we’re going to get the most mileage out of a garment that has us covered for a night out in all of five seconds. So whether you need to outfit yourself on the cheap for your next bridesmaids gig or black-tie affair with a floor-skimming gown; or you’re on the hunt for a floaty lil’ wrap for your birthday weekend, step right up — these up-to-70% off discounts might breeze by before you know.

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. All product details reflect the price and availability at the time of publication. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

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Welcome toMoney Diaries , where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking millennials how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last dollar.

This week: a developer working in IT who makes $72,000 per year and spends some of her money this week on beer.

Occupation: Developer
Industry: IT
Age: 31
Location: Georgia
Salary: $72,000
Paycheck Amount (monthly): $4,494.32
Gender Identity: Woman

Monthly Expenses
Monthly Housing Costs: $575 (I live alone in a one-bedroom behind a big house. It is cheap, but it has not been updated since the 1970s.)
Monthly Loan Payments: $0 (state school + HOPE scholarship = no tuition payments; other scholarships and my parents covered the rest)
Savings: $1,000 (I work for a small company without a 401(k). I put $500 in my Roth IRA and $500 in a general investment fund each month. I have about $25K in my Roth and $36K in my general investments. I also keep about $25K in an emergency fund. It is probably more than I need, but it helps me sleep at night.)

Power & Gas: $150 (Water is included with my rent.)
Health & Dental Insurance: $438.18
Phone: $70
Spotify: $14.99 (I pay for this for my family. My sisters sometimes give me money for it, but I don't really think about it. We all cover each other a lot, so it evens out.)
Internet, Cable, HBO: $100
Wine Club: $40
Car Insurance: $585 every six months
NY Times Crossword: $40 every year
Car Registration (Annual): $72.31 in 2019

Day One

7:15 a.m. — My alarm goes off in the middle of a dream about riding my bike to Canada and not having my passport, so I need to go home and get it. I should get up and do a little yoga, but I don't feel like moving yet. My little sister decides to call me at 7:30 (whyyyy) to tell me something before she gets to school (she's a teacher). I get up after we hang up and look for my passport, because I have an international trip coming up soon and realize I haven't seen it in a while. I find it in my box of important documents, right where it should be. After that, I make my tea, grab overnight oats that I prepped last night, and put together a quick quinoa bowl that I made up last week. I wash my face, put on lotion, eye cream, and sunscreen, brush my teeth, and then head out the door.

8:30 a.m. — I get to work on time, open my email, and spend some time checking to make sure the architecture update we had this weekend didn't break anything on the production client side. I spend the rest of the morning on a small project that came up on Friday.

11:45 a.m. — I don't think I ate enough yesterday, because I am starving today and get my lunch a little early. It is my quinoa bowl with corn, black beans, tomatoes, arugula, avocado, and a cumin/lime/jalapeño dressing from Melissa Clark's cookbook. (I LOVE her recipes on The New York Times, bought her dinner cookbook, and use it all the time. HIGHLY RECOMMEND.) This recipe is good, but I ate it for lunch at the end of last week, too, and am a little tired of it.

12:30 p.m. — I start texting my friend about our bike plans this weekend (my dream about riding a bike to Canada is not completely random). She is training for a full Ironman, but I skipped out on that and am just doing the bike training with her (we've done several half-Ironmans together). We are riding 100 miles this weekend, so I text another friend about a route he has done before. I also sign up for a hot yoga class tomorrow at a small gym close to my house. I paid $275 at the beginning of July for a 20-pack ($13.75/class), because that is the cheapest rate they have, and am about halfway through them (I average about one class/week to supplement my outdoor workouts). I like it because I know other people who go/work there, and I can pay as I go.

5 p.m. — I've spent the past hour checking reports and seeing if anything is running slower due to the weekend updates. My eyes are glazing over, and after a quick email and phone call, I head out. I stop by my parents' house on my way home, because my mom said she brought me a cookie from one of my favorite bakeries that they had at her work today (she is an elementary school administrator). When I get home, I eat the cookie, make some tea, and also munch on some cheese and crackers. I make a grocery and book list and head out to run some errands.

7 p.m. — I go to a used bookstore that buys back DVDs, et al. and drop off a pile of stuff, and they tell me it'll take an hour to process. I get out my book list. This store is organized kinda weird, so I come with a list of books/authors that I am looking for. My list has a lot of books about/set in France, because I have a trip there soon and I like to read about a place before I go. I find a bunch of books on my list, as well as some other books. Some weird man tries to talk to me when I am wandering around, and I try to avoid him as much as I can. Yes, I can carry my books by myself, and please, dude, do not help me... At 8, the buyback people text me and offer me about $20 in store credit for half the stuff I brought. I take it and use it to buy all the books I found, as well as spending more. I buy about 12 books total. Do I need them? No. Do they bring me joy? Yes. So Marie Kondo. $65.50

8:30 p.m. — I stop by Publix on my way home and pick up groceries for the rest of the week. I get stuff for zucchini quesadillas and my breakfasts. I end up buying cheese, baking powder, milk, zucchini, cilantro, tomatoes, avocados, blackberries, and raspberries. This is a lower total week for me grocery-wise, because last week was higher. (I normally yo-yo between about $75–$85 one week and then $25–$35 the next. This is one of those lower weeks, since I have some leftover lunches that I am finishing from last week, as well as some dinners that I will eat out.) $28.74

9 p.m. — When I get home, I put everything away and eat some more snacks. So much for making dinner tonight. I take a shower, read my book ( The Discovery of France by Graham Robb — very good if you are interested in the social history of France; it's not one I bought today, but I need to finish it before I start my new ones), and realize I am exhausted, so I turn my lights off around 10:15.

Daily Total: $94.24

Day Two

7:15 a.m. — Alarm goes off. I wake up to a bunch of texts, but only have the mental energy to respond to my little sister. We text back and forth for a couple minutes as I try to force myself to get up. I grab my overnight oats, put together the last bit of my quinoa bowl (yay for being the last day I have to eat it), and head to work around 8:30.

12:30 p.m. — Lunchtime after a slow morning. I am still trying to get this project done, but I am over it.

1:45 p.m. — My development server goes down and I am so confused, because that rarely happens since it's on an internal network. Apparently, we blew a breaker?? Weird. It takes a little while to get it back up, and I completely lose where I was or what I was doing. So much for being productive this afternoon.

5 p.m. — I was more productive after the server came back, and 5 p.m. hits and I am outta work. I get home and eat cheese and crackers and start prepping Smitten Kitchen zucchini quesadillas. I change and get ready for yoga at 7.

8:30 p.m. — Home from yoga, and I can feel the burn in my core. I put together two quesadillas and broil them and eat them with lime and avocado. The zucchini and cheese mix looks disgusting, but damn, does it taste good.

10 p.m. — I am texting a couple people about plans for later in the week and falling asleep at the same time, so I turn the light out around 10:20.

Daily Total: $0

Day Three

6:55 a.m. — I wake up before my alarm and roll over to check my phone. My little sister texted me at 4:45 a.m., when she got up for her first day of school. I respond to her and then get up around 7:25 to get a little yoga and stretching in.

8:30 a.m. — I get into work and eat my oatmeal.

12 p.m. — I eat my first zucchini quesadilla for lunch with half an avocado. I know that I will be hungry later, so I put the rest of the stuff back in the fridge but plan on eating more soon.

2 p.m. — Yep, hungry again. Second quesadilla time!

4 p.m. — My dad texts the family that he is grilling for dinner. Score! I am swimming at the lake with a friend after work, but I respond that I will stop by when I am done.

5 p.m. — I leave work right on time and head out to the lake. It is about a 25-minute drive from my office, and I beat him there. I run into some other friends, who are also out there to get a short swim in. I have not gone swimming since mid-May, and it is now August… I get out and feel pretty good to start, but when I turn around, my arms start to give out and my pull fails, lol. I finish up at 1,900 yards in 38 minutes, so I am not totally unhappy. I should get that faster by the end of the summer if I start swimming consistently (we will see if that happens).

7:30 p.m. — My sister calls me on my way to my parents', where she is just leaving. We talk for the last 20 minutes of my drive (yes, I have a hands-free device, and yes, I know that I talk to my sister a lot), and then I get to my parents' and eat a bratwurst and chicken. My mom offers to make me a salad, but I just want protein.

8 p.m. — Finally home, and I take a shower and eat some more cheese and crackers. Swimming makes me hungry! I take a shower and start to read Thrones, Dominations by Dorothy Sayers and Jill Paton Walsh (one of my new books — I love Dorothy Sayers and wish she had written more of her Lord Peter mystery books. Her estate commissioned Jill Paton Walsh to finish this book that she never did). Around 10, I tell myself I should go to bed, but I end up finishing it and staying up till 12:30. Oops! I will pay for that tomorrow...

Daily Total: $0

Day Four

7:45 a.m. — Oof. I set my alarm for a little later, but I am still dead tired getting up. I have to get all my stuff together to ride with people after work, too. I grab my overnight oats and make my tea, pack my bike bag, put my bike on the back of my car, and then head to work around 8:30.

1 p.m. — I don't eat till later because the morning is busy, and I forgot an avocado to eat with my quesadillas. :(

4:45 p.m. — I skip out of work a little early, because my friends and I are supposed to meet at 5:15 to ride. My gas light came on, so I stop at a gas station and put $20 of gas in, but I pay with a gift card my landlady gave me because she felt bad that my AC stopped working for a couple days in mid-summer (I have a really awesome landlady, y'all. She got it fixed ASAP, but she wanted to do something for me). I get out to the lake, and we plan on riding for about two hours.

7 p.m. — Okay, that ride was really, really hot, so I convinced my friends to turn around early. I rode about 27 miles in 100 minutes, and that was far enough. I think I drank 50 oz. of water, and I am still thirsty after it. I stop by a friend's house to rinse off and drop off my bike, because I am spending the night with her tomorrow and don't need to bring it back into town.

8 p.m. — I meet back up with the girls I rode with to grab burgers. I get a burger with bacon, blue cheese, onions, barbecue sauce, and fries on the side. I eat it all and then finish my friend's fries. I drink two glasses of water, but I am still SO THIRSTY. $12.96

9 p.m. — On my way home, my friend calls me to complain about something going on in her life. By the time I am done catching up with her, my little sister has also called to tell me about her day. Ergo, I do not get into the shower till about 10, and then I have to get all my stuff for spending the night with my friend tomorrow night. I grab all my bike stuff, snacks for my ride Saturday, PJs, and toiletries and throw them in a bag. As soon as I am done, I crash in my bed around 10:45. Good nighttttt.

Daily Total: $12.96

Day Five

7:20 a.m. — I wake up from a dead sleep to my alarm. Ugh…at least I only have to grab everything that I put together last night. I get my oats, tea, and the three other bags I am dragging to work and head into the office around 8:15.

11 a.m. — I take a break from work to browse Paris hotels. I am going to France in two months and have been trying to save most of my money (basically, every time I think about buying something not related to my France trip, I ask myself if I would rather have it or not worry about buying stuff in France. It actually works pretty well, and I have been good about meal planning/not grabbing takeout for the past couple months). I decide that I need to book the hotel for the first night, when I will be by myself before I meet up with my friend in Nice. I also know I will be exhausted after my flight, so I decide to spend a little more to get a nicer hotel than what I would normally spend. I book the one night. $318.54

12:15 p.m. — I eat the last quesadilla and the avocado that I remembered this morning. We have a meeting at 1, so I wanted to be sure to eat lunch before it.

1:30 p.m. — That meeting was not as bad as it could have been. I send a couple emails in follow-up and spend the last couple hours of my day planning out what I will need to be doing next week. I plan for a meeting at 9 a.m. Monday morning to discuss some new reports (semi-groan), but I would also rather get it done.

3:30 p.m. — Please tell me it is time to leave. Summer Fridays are the worst.

5 p.m. — And I am outta here! I spent the last hour of work cleaning out my office and throwing old papers away, and it was very cathartic. I run to the bike shop, because I need to get a new bag for my bike to carry my extra tube, as well as fingerless gloves so I can grip my bike better/prevent my hands from getting sunburned (bike gear is an exception to my “saving for France” rule, since it is practically my social life in the summer). My friend is there getting her bike refit, so I say hi to her and the bike mechanic and grab my gear. $58.31

6 p.m. — I head to a Mexican restaurant down the road, where I meet my friend whose house I am spending the night at. I get steak tacos and eat most of the chips. $14.34

6:30 p.m. — We get to my friend's house out by the river. Sadly, it is way too hot to sit outside on her porch (seriously, it is still like 97 outside), so we sit inside and drink wine. I haven't spent solo time with her in months, and it is so good to catch up. Her husband gets home around 8:30, and he comes in to talk to us for an hour before we all decide that we have to go to bed. I am going to be up early to ride, and they are heading to the mountains early in the morning (also to ride, lol, but they have to drive a couple hours first).

10:30 p.m. — I fall asleep pretty quickly in her guest room but then wake up like 20 minutes later and can't get back to sleep…ugh. I turn on some ASMR YouTube videos after tossing and turning for a bit, and they totally knock me out in less than 20 minutes. I wake up again around 2 and realize that the next video on autoplay is some three-hour ASMR sounds video. I turn it off, but then I can't get back to sleep! So I turn it back on and am asleep in five minutes.

Daily Total: $391.19

Day Six

5:50 a.m. — My alarm goes off. I get up really quietly and try to get my stuff together, but my friend's dog wakes up and starts to follow me around. Sorry, girl, I don't have time to play with you… Happily, my friend's husband gets up soon after that, so she isn't too sad. He offers to make me coffee, but I have to head out to the lake. It is way closer from this house than my house, so it only takes me 10 minutes to get there.

6:40 a.m. — And we are on our bikes! There is a group of seven of us starting, but only three of us are trying to ride 100 miles.

12:45 p.m. — Okay, y'all, my side is killing me, and I decide to head back to the car. My friends turn off on a last side road to get eight more miles, but I have 13 miles left on my own. Damn side stitch…

1:30 p.m. — Back to my car! Ninety-two miles is not 100, but it's not too shabby, especially since I am not actually training for anything right now. I literally drank 40 oz. of water in the last five miles, because it is once again SO HOT. I am eating all the snacks from my car and grab a cold Bud Light from my friend's car and wait for them to finish. I normally don't drink much Bud Light, but it really is a perfect thing to drink after a long ride. They finish about 30 minutes after I do, and we chat for a couple minutes. One friend has to run after her ride, but I finish my beer and head back into town to my parents'.

2:45 p.m. — OMG, Chick-fil-A, why is your drive-thru so slow… I am so angry at everything right now. I finally get my 12-pack of nuggets, large fries, and lemonade and start eating the fries on my way home. I eat about half the meal before I hop in the shower and then finish it when I get out. I seriously don't want to move. $8.95

4 p.m. — I get up because I told my dad I would grab a package off my parents' porch because they are out of town. I've also brought all my laundry to their house, because they have a much nicer washer and dryer than I do. I do one load and sit and think about reading my book, but really that is too much effort.

6:15 p.m. — A friend texts me about grabbing dinner with some other people, so I join them at a Tex-Mex place. I get a quesadilla, queso, and chips, and we hang out for the next two hours. We talk about going to get froyo, but the law of inertia wins and we just stay where we are. I finally head home around 9. $7.83

9:30 p.m. — My sister calls me, and we talk about the wedding she went to this evening, but I am fading hard. I brush my teeth and turn my light out around 10:15. I am asleep in less than five minutes.

Daily Total: $16.78

Day Seven

8:28 a.m. — I didn't set an alarm, and I told myself if I woke up in time for church, I would go, but church is in two minutes, so that's not happening. I get up around 9 and head to my parents' to finish my laundry. I put in a load and then run to Panera to get a breakfast sandwich. I could make my own, but that would require me to do dishes, and honestly, I do not have the energy for that this morning. $5.18

1 p.m. — I spent the morning doing laundry, drinking coffee, and finishing my book ( A Presumption of Death by Jill Paton Walsh and Dorothy Sayers), and it was pretty much perfect. I put my last load in and run home to grab my swimsuit and towel, because I am swimming with friends out at the lake at 3 (the same friends I rode with yesterday). I stop back by my parents' to change over my laundry, and they have just gotten home and give me some pralines they got on their trip. I eat half of one and a bag of goldfish as a snack.

2:30 p.m. — I stop at Publix on my way to the lake. It is my friend's birthday, so I grab cookies and beer (Guinness for him, Creature Comforts Tropicália for me and my other friend), so we can celebrate after the swim. $26.97

3:50 p.m. — We finish our swim and made it about a mile. My arms felt better than they did on Wednesday, so that is encouraging! We sit around for another 45 minutes to eat cookies and drink a beer in the shade. Really solid Sunday afternoon, if I do say so myself.

5 p.m. — I chat with my sister and then get home and take a shower. Then I turn on the soccer game (go, Atlanta United!) and start my grocery list for the week. I realize that I want to cook every meal I see because I am too hungry to grocery shop, so I make pasta with butter, Parmesan, lemon, and capers. It is really good, even if a normal person might say it is heavy on the capers (blasphemy — the limit for capers does not exist). Once I do that, I get really tired and I don't want to go to the grocery store anymore. I make up my overnight oats and decide to make a stir-fry with what I have, so I don't eat out tomorrow. I use onions, bell peppers, chickpeas, garlic, jalapeño, and harissa and also make up coconut rice. I eat a second dinner of that and drink another Tropicália and pack up the rest for two lunches. This is the kind of night that, pre–France trip planning, I would have gotten takeout for dinner and eaten out for lunch tomorrow. However, I would much rather have that $30-ish to spend in France.

9 p.m. — After I finish cooking and eating, it is almost 9 p.m., and I head to my bed and grab my book (back to The Discovery of France — I am the type of person who reads six books at the same time). I read till about 10:15 and then brush my teeth, wash my face, and head to bed.

Daily Total: $32.15

Money Diaries are meant to reflect individual women's experiences and do not necessarily reflect Refinery29's point of view. Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity or harmful behavior.

Want more Money Diaries? Well, you’re in luck — Refinery29 Canada is launching its own Canadian Money Diaries three times a week. (Which means once you’re done with catching up on all our diaries during your lunch break, you can head on over to R29 CA for even more.) You can now experience Money Diaries IRL at 29Rooms Toronto September 26th through October 6th. Buy tickets here.

The first step to getting your financial life in order is tracking what you spend — to try on your own, check out our guide to managing your money every day. For more money diaries, click here.

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It’s become impossible — for citizens, brands and organizations — to stay politically neutral in America 2019. Jewelry designer and Council of Fashion Designers member Dana Lorenz offered a striking reminder of this last Saturday. After learning that CFDA board member Kara Ross had planned and co-hosted (with husband, billionaire real estate developer Stephen Ross) a Trump fundraiser in the Hamptons, Lorenz canceled her membership.

“I will no longer participate if a woman that funds the current administration remains on the board,” Lorenz (of the label Fallon) posted on her brand’s Instagram on Saturday. “I will no longer be a part of what seems to be allowing a pay for play, money over merit arrangement with someone that clearly wants to advance an agenda that is hurting many businesses large and small with this trade war,” she wrote. Held at their Southhampton estate, the Rosses’ talked-about event raised $12 million for Donald Trump’s 2020 re-election campaign. The jewelry designer’s statement also addressed the Trump administration’s immigration policies. “Yesterday, while Mrs. Ross was putting finishing touches on her Trump fundraiser, I was making sure my sobbing housekeeper had her entire family’s documents in order, a woman with 3 years citizenship living in fear,” she wrote. “It’s not enough to post rainbows on your Instagram feed. Do something.”

Lorenz tells Refinery29 she decided to do something and speak out against the CFDA because she felt dismissed when she reached out to Steven Kolb, the CFDA’S president and CEO, to ask if other designers had expressed any concerns about Ross's affiliation to Trump. “This indifference was all I needed to remove myself,” she says. Since posting her statement to Instagram, Lorenz says the supportive, positive response has been overwhelming. “I know there is a huge population watching fashion very closely to what CEOs and leaders do and stand for in these times. They are looking for leaders to take lead. To be the voice. To be an ally. Cate Blanchett wore my earrings last night simply because her stylist was inspired to support.”

Indeed, her letter poses compelling questions. How much transparency should we expect from the brands and organizations we trust, if any at all? And in the case of the CFDA, does Ross’ presence on its board keep the organization from fulfilling its mission?

Stephen Ross is the owner of the Miami Dolphins, Equinox, and SoulCycle, and he is the chairman and majority owner for The Related Companies, which developed the recently opened shopping complex Hudson Yards. As previously reported, when the news broke of Ross's fundraiser, there were immediate cries of protest. People across the country cancelled their Equinox memberships and vowed to never visit SoulCycle again. Designer Prabal Gurung revealed he’d been in talks with Hudson Yards to host the 10th anniversary of his fashion brand, but he will no longer work with the company.

"Steve Ross got into a little bit of trouble this week. I said, 'Steve, welcome to the world of politics!" Trump told the crowd at his Southhampton Ross hosted, according to the New York Post.

For Lorenz, it's about demanding transparency. “I hope designers and leaders in this industry would find the strength to speak out,” she explains to Refinery29. “The problem is people are so shackled by their investors and partners that one cannot speak unless they are in line with their beliefs. There is too much at stake to stay silent.”

A Trump affiliation is now arguably more than a political stance or Right-vs.-Left preference, because his policies are becoming a human rights issue. “People will be scrutinized on both sides because this is such a divisive political time,” Lorenz further explains. “But only one [CFDA board member] thus far opened their home to the most dangerous president in history, but did so with the intention of raising 12 million dollars to continue this nightmare in 2020.”

When Refinery29 reached out to the CFDA for comment on the matter, a spokesperson for the council sent the statement below from Steven Kolb (that was previously given to WWD):

“We are sorry that Dana Lorenz has made the decision to leave the CFDA. As a non-profit 501(c)(6) organization in the United States, the CFDA does not participate in political campaigns and is legally restricted to do so. As ever, through its nearly 500 members and countless programs, the CFDA remains steadfastly committed to diversity and inclusion, gender equality, LGBTQ rights, fair immigration policy and sustainability in the fashion industry. The organization does not discriminate by race, gender, religion or political affiliation.”

But is the CFDA truly able to reach the goals mentioned in its statement with Ross on its board? The mission statement atop of the CFDA's about page reads: “Our mission to strengthen the impact of American fashion in the global economy.” Ross is helping to re-elect Trump, a man who is prepared for an all-out trade war. In March 2018, President Trump threatened to move forward with his plan to implement tariffs, or taxes, on steel and aluminum. As a response, the European Union is threatening to tax some 10 pages full of American-made products including cigarettes, lipstick, and jeans. The latter isn’t even one of America’s biggest exports.

Last year, when the EU responded to Trump, Matt Gold, adjunct professor of law at Fordham University and a former U.S. trade official under President Barack Obama, told GQ that he thought the EU’s decision to tax a brand like Levi’s is a strategic move, one that's more for political gain than financial. As he put it, the brand resonates with “rugged individualist Americans in rural areas, which are in turn associated with Trump’s constituents.” What’s more American than a pair of blue jeans?

At the time this story was published, the CFDA had yet to respond to Lorenz. We’ve reached out to Kara Ross for comment and will update this story if/when we hear back.

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Spring may be long over, but blooming season is still going strong— especially if you like sunflowers.

Photos of North Dakota’s sunflower bloom have begun to surface, giving us a look at beautiful golden fields that usually coincide with the end of summer, reports Travel and Leisure. If you’re in a nearby state and looking for weekend plans, you’ll be happy to know that the peak time for the sunflower bloom is the entire month of August.

Sara Otte Coleman, director of the North Dakota Tourism Division, explained in a statement how the state plays host to the bright and happy flowers each summer, as well as other colorful crops.

“As one of the top producers of sunflowers, North Dakota offers some of the largest and most scenic sunflower fields in the United States,” said Coleman. “Our golden fields attract visitors who are drawn to the simple beauty found across the state each summer. Canola, flax, barley, and wheat also provide a patchwork of color through the summer and fall.”

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It's that beautiful time of year when North Dakota is covered in sunflowers 🌻🌻🌻 Check out our highlights to find your own bit of sunshine on our sunflower map! | thank you to @breannewho for sharing 📸 | #BeNDLegendary #NDLegendary #NorthDakota #Sunflowers #Nodak

A post shared by North Dakota (@northdakotalegendary) on Aug 9, 2019 at 11:35am PDT

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She sprouted love like flowers, grew a garden in her mind, and even on the darkest days, from her smile the sun still shined. 🌻 . . . #She #Sprout #Love #Flowers #Grow #Garden #Mind #Dark #Days #Smile #Sun #Shine #Sunflower #Butterfly #Field #Yellow #Blue #Green #Pretty #NorthDakota #Favorite #Outside #Happy #Summer2019

A post shared by Sydney Rose 🥀 (@littlesydneylouwho) on Aug 17, 2019 at 8:23am PDT

According to North Dakota Tourism, the best places to catch a glimpse of sunflower fields are in the cities of Mott, Aneta, Mohall, Lakota, and Bismarck. Sunflowers are planted in higher concentrations in central and western North Dakota, but since the crop represents 48,000 acres of North Dakota, you’re sure to find some sunflower fields if you look hard enough.

If you’re worried you have no time to plan an impromptu trip, you’ll be delighted to know that while some fields are in peak bloom now, other fields of the gorgeous gold will pop up in the coming weeks. Once blossomed, sunflowers usually remain at their peak for about two weeks.

If you’re already checking flights and hotels to get the perfect Instagram opportunity, be forewarned — do not enter any property or land without the permission of the landowner. Additionally, as seen in the case of the destruction of California’s super bloom of poppies, don’t pick, don’t pluck, and try to leave the flowers untouched.

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Welcome toMoney Diaries , where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking millennials how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last dollar.

This week: a managing editor working in nonprofit/human rights/literary arts who makes $62,000 per year and spends some of her money this week on strawberries.

Occupation: Managing Editor
Industry: Nonprofit/Human Rights/Literary Arts
Age: 46
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Salary: $62,000 + $1,100 in child support
Paycheck Amount (1x/month): $3,825
Gender Identity: Cis-woman

Monthly Expenses
Monthly Housing Costs: $2,000 (I live with my 11-year-old daughter in a rental in a luxury building that I got through the "affordable" housing lottery — but that's a story for another column.)
Cell phone: $67 for mine + $7 for 30% of kid's = $74
Netflix + Hulu: $20
Costco Executive Membership: $135/year (I have the credit card that gives me cash-back rewards that always pay for the cost of the card.)
MetroCard EasyPay: ~$30 (reloaded automatically)
Internet: $45
In-Building Laundry: ~$30
Electric: $50 (average)
Investments: I have a traditional IRA with about $95K (I deposited my yearly limit of $6K back in February for this year.)
Other Investment Accounts: ~$26K
Savings & Checking: $31K (I have no debt, paid off my student loan of about $10K 15 years ago, when I started making a decent salary — I went to an Ivy on a full scholarship — and don't carry a balance on my credit cards.)

Day One

7:15 a.m. — I wake up too early for a Saturday in July, but my body clock is pretty set. I read more of the novel There There by Tommy Orange and snuggle a bit with my partner, C., who's still fast asleep. He's a freelance photographer, and he often works late and is more of a night owl. My daughter, Q., and I usually spend the weekends at his place, so that's where we are today. I go to check on Q. and hug her good morning. I make some Earl Grey tea for myself, and Q. makes herself a bowl of cereal (it's her summer vacation, so I'm pretty lax about letting her eat mostly whatever she wants). I'm not particularly hungry and so don't have anything besides the tea and some kiwi. We enjoy our breakfast together and hang out for a bit.

10:30 a.m. — Q. and I head to the optometrist for her eye exam. She wore glasses at age four. Her exam and the glasses we buy are mostly covered by insurance through her dad. She picks out a semi-opaque, matte, purple, rectangular pair, and we decide to get the Transitions lenses so she can wear them outside as well. With partial coverage from insurance, that pair totals $102. I also order her a backup pair with cream cat's-eye frames online for $37.90, so Q.'s two pairs of glasses total $139.90. I split expenses for Q. with her dad, and my portion is about 33%: $47. I also order a matching backup pair of glasses for myself (I just got myself a new pair in-store about two weeks ago) and sadly have to get bifocals, but because I'm ordering them online, I splurge and get the ones without the bifocal lines, $53. $100.00

11:30 a.m. — We're just across the street from a Starbucks, and Q. is a big fan. By this time, I'm a bit peckish, too, so we stop in to grab two egg, cheese, and turkey bacon sandwiches for an early lunch. I leave a $1 tip. (I pay on my Starbucks app, which occasionally nets a free drink or meal, once I've collected enough rewards stars.) We head back to C.'s to hang out and read for the rest of the afternoon. $10.04

5:30 p.m. — C. is off to work, and Q. and I decide to order ramen for dinner. I get a bowl of chicken ramen with an extra serving of noodles (we split that, since neither of us is a big eater) and a pork bao for me as well. After dinner, we watch Big Hero 6 and relax. After the shower and other nighttime routines, Q. goes to bed around 9. I stay up a bit to do the dishes, tidy up, and get some more reading done. I'm up when C. gets home around 11:30 p.m., but fading fast. We chat a bit, and I fall asleep. $30.03

Daily Total: $140.07

Day Two

8 a.m. — It's Sunday, so we all get up a little later. I make tea and toasted bagels with scrambled eggs. I also peel a grapefruit and remove all the skins for us to share. My mom used to do this for me, so I like to do the same when there's a bit of extra time. C. goes off to work again. Q. and I are meeting friends back at our apartment about a mile away, so we pack up around 11 a.m. We spend the day playing card games, chatting, and eating an assortment of leftovers in the fridge: beef sirloin tips, marinated gigante beans, artichoke hearts, lemon and garlic olives, feta, watermelon, blueberries.

4 p.m. — Q. requested a mini backpack for our travels next month. She already has two backpacks and a fanny pack, but apparently none is the right size! We search a while on Amazon for the perfect one, and it costs $18.06. I have an $11 credit, so it ends up costing $8.06. $8.06

5:45 p.m. — We've mostly depleted the leftovers in the fridge, so we decide to walk to one of our nearby favorite Vietnamese restaurants for dinner. Q. and I don't have much opportunity to eat Vietnamese food at home. My family doesn't live in our city, and I find it tough to get the right ingredients and spend the prep time it takes to make it myself. Unfortunately, the restaurant is closed for the week (the chefs have gone to Vietnam for R&D, which is of course a great reason). So we walk around and see a dim sum place that we never noticed before. We order scallion pancakes (a Q. fave), soup buns, char siu, and an eggplant pork dish. The food is mediocre, but we should have known that good dim sum in our hipster neighborhood was not a good bet. $30.49

7 p.m. — We get back to our apartment, have some green tea mochi for dessert to keep with our Asian dinner theme, and settle down to watch Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon on Netflix. Q. is reluctant but quickly admits that it's a stunning film and the fight scenes are exhilarating and balletic. Q. falls asleep satiated and chatting about how fun it is to see movies that have an all-Asian cast.

Daily Total: $38.55

Day Three

7:30 a.m. — We have breakfast at home as usual: tea, smashed avocado with lemon juice, salt and pepper, and cumin on a bagel for me. Q. makes herself scrambled eggs on toast. I cut up a nectarine for Q. and have some blueberries.

8:15 a.m. — We go to shop at Whole Foods, since I have a $15 off promo for being a Prime member (on C.'s account). I purchase baby seedless watermelon, nectarines, strawberries, blueberries, kiwi, baby kale, spinach, swordfish, feta, fennel, cucumber, haricots verts, crostini crackers, goat cheese, cherry, roasted chicken, marinated gigante beans, hotdogs and buns, ice cream cones, blueberry yogurt bars, and Bengal Spice tea (which I tend to drink most nights). We head home, and I work for a few hours. $109.72

12:30 p.m. — For lunch I make a chopped salad using a lot of what we bought at Whole Foods earlier: roasted chicken, feta, baby kale, marinated gigante beans, fennel, cherry tomatoes. Q. opts to have a hotdog with a side salad. I do a couple more hours of work. Q. plays some games and also does some doggy care for a few clients in our building. It's a good job for her: It takes an hour or two a few times a week, gets her out of the apartment, and she makes some pocket money.

5:30 p.m. — I finish with work projects and start prepping dinner: grilled swordfish, blanched haricots verts, and wild rice. I forget that the rice takes 45 minutes to cook, so we eat later than usual. For dessert, I have Americone Dream ice cream in a cone, and Q. has a slice of double chocolate pound cake. We watch a few episodes of Queer Eye and Fresh Off the Boat, both shows we love.

Daily Total: $109.72

Day Four

7:30 a.m. — Breakfast today consists of Earl Grey tea, yogurt, granola, blueberries, kiwi for me, and Frosted Flakes for Q. with sliced nectarines and blueberries. I start work for a few hours at 8:30.

12 p.m. — For lunch, I make a quick salad and throw in the dim sum leftovers, while Q. has hotdogs and a side of raw fennel (it's summer!). I have a day of three more work meetings, so it feels a bit hectic.

5:45 p.m. — Dinner is roast-chicken tacos with spinach, fresh tomato salsa, and cheddar, with some watermelon and blueberry frozen yogurt bars for dessert.

7 p.m. — I notice that the Brita filter needs to be replaced, so I put in an order on Amazon. I opt for a six-pack of the Brita replacements. I've also been noticing that my eyes are strained after a long day of reading and meetings on my laptop, so I research computer reading glasses and get a set of two so I can keep one at my place and one at C.'s. $42.45

Daily Total: $42.45

Day Five

7:30 a.m. — Breakfast is at home as usual. I make Earl Grey tea for myself, and soft-boiled eggs with buttered toast and kiwi and nectarine for both of us. Today I work at the workspace, which is about ten blocks from our place, for the morning. Q. loves this, because she gets to stay home on her own. I get to the office, have a couple work calls, and do some emails and planning. My summer intern, E., is having her last day today, so I'm having a final meeting with her to discuss how the internship went and take her out for a farewell lunch.

12:30 p.m. — We head to a local Moroccan café and have a lovely meal of chicken and lamb tagines ($70.79 expensed). E. stops by my place to grab some books I've set aside for her, and we say goodbye. I have more meetings for work, and Q. has dog-walking duty.

6 p.m. — I finish up work a bit later because a meeting goes long. Q. and I have leftovers for dinner and decide to watch The Proposal. It's on Starz through the one-week trial we added on our Hulu account, so it's free. We have blueberry frozen yogurt bars and a couple laughs — Sandra Bullock is super likable, even when she's playing an evil boss.

Daily Total: $0

Day Six

7:30 a.m. — Breakfast at home. Today it's back to tea, yogurt, granola, and fruit for both of us. I settle down to do editing for work. I try to reserve Thursdays and Fridays for more concentrated reading and editing sessions.

8:15 a.m. — Q. and I need to pack later for a work trip next week. So I strip the bed linens and collect the towels and hamper and hustle down to the building's laundry room to do two loads. Each washer costs $2.75, so that's $5. With the laundry in the wash, I work until it's time to get the clothes in the dryers — two loads at $2 each, for a grand total of $9, on a card that I've preloaded with about $30 each month. I work for another hour, grab the laundry, and head back upstairs to fold and pack.

12:30 p.m. — I take a break for lunch and make a quick salad with swordfish leftovers for myself and a salad with roasted chicken for Q. I work a few more hours.

4:30 p.m. — We're packed and ready to head over to C.'s for the weekend. We have a couple bags and a bunch of perishable food to bring over, too, since we'll be away for a week, so I contemplate taking a Lyft or the bus. Luckily, C. texts that he can come pick us up in his car, so we get a ride over.

6 p.m. — For dinner, we have more leftovers. For dessert, Q. has more double chocolate pound cake, and C. and I have a bit, too, along with some roasted coconut and black sesame ice cream. Deliciousness. We all watch a couple of episodes of Blown Away, the new show about glass artists competing. Q. and I are big fans of The Great British Bake Off and have been looking for a worthy successor. This may not be it, but it's pretty dramatic and entertaining.

Daily Total: $0

Day Seven

8 a.m. — We get a late start today, because I'm feeling pretty exhausted. Q. offers to make scrambled eggs for breakfast, and I've been so pleased to see her become more self-sufficient. And her eggs taste pretty good! I make some tea and toast and cut up the watermelon and kiwi, and we have a nice meal before I sit down to do some more editing.

12:30 p.m. — We take a break for a chopped-salad lunch. C.'s got spinach, baby arugula, and mixed cabbage. We each add our choice of: tomatoes, roasted chicken, walnuts, cheese, and dressing. Then it's back to more work for me.

2 p.m. — Q. and I head to see a friend and her daughter. We take a couple subways to get there. At $2.75 for each of us round-trip, it's $11 — prepaid on the EasyPay MetroCard.

5 p.m. — After we catch up at my friend's apartment for a while, we head to the park before going to a local favorite casual bistro for dinner. I have a Cubano, Q. has the lasagna, my friend A. has a summer salad with chicken, and A.'s daughter has a kid's meal with grilled cheese. With our two glasses of rosé + tip, the total comes to $96.57. I pay a bit more than half, since Q. and I had more substantial meals. We stroll through the park and get back on the subway to head back to C.'s place. $56.57

Daily Total: $56.57

Money Diaries are meant to reflect individual women's experiences and do not necessarily reflect Refinery29's point of view. Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity or harmful behavior.

Want more Money Diaries? Well, you’re in luck — Refinery29 Canada is launching its own Canadian Money Diaries three times a week. (Which means once you’re done with catching up on all our diaries during your lunch break, you can head on over to R29 CA for even more.) You can now experience Money Diaries IRL at 29Rooms Toronto September 26th through October 6th. Buy tickets here.

The first step to getting your financial life in order is tracking what you spend — to try on your own, check out our guide to managing your money every day. For more money diaries, click here.

Do you have a Money Diary you'd like to share? Submit it with us here.

Have questions about how to submit or our publishing process? Read our Money Diaries FAQ doc here: r29.co/mdfaqs

Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?

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Gun control advocates rallied across the U.S. this weekend to demand legislative action from Congress.

The Recess Rallies, which are happening while Congress is in recess, were held in the wake of two high-profile mass shootings in El Paso, TX and Dayton, OH. They were scheduled in more than 100 locations in all 50 states on both Saturday and Sunday.

The effort was organized in conjunction with a nationwide Weekend of Action held by the Everytown for Gun Safety Action Fund, Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America, and Students Demand Action. Advocates are rallying for background checks on all gun sales and strong extreme risk or Red Flag legislation, which would “temporarily prevent someone in crisis from accessing firearms,” especially if they pose a danger to themselves or others.

Protesters across the country, including Boston, Cleveland, Los Angeles, and Baltimore, turned out to call for change. Presidential hopeful and El Paso native Beto O’Rourke made a stop on the campaign trail in Little Rock, AR, local affiliate KATV reported, to join the rally and call for tougher gun laws.

Every day 100 Americans die and hundreds more are wounded by senseless and preventable gun violence.

Today I'm at a #RecessRally in Boston, MA with my @MomsDemand friends to demand the Senate pass a background checks on all gun sales.@Everytown pic.twitter.com/3i1ADIzZI1

— A_Tully (@ahtull) August 18, 2019

Thank you to our incredible CA gun sense champions @Portantino and @ASMGabriel for your support at the student-led Students Demand Action #RecessRally on the steps of Los Angeles City Hall to demand federal action on background checks and red flags @Everytown @MomsDemand pic.twitter.com/gAdED5iUTg

— Laura A. (@lauraladida) August 17, 2019

There are rallies across the country today organized by @MomsDemand and @Everytown demanding that the U.S. Senate pass legislation to require background checks on all gun sales along with a Red Flag law. A march in Baltimore just started. pic.twitter.com/qV1lYEvghS

— Kyle Stewart (@KyleAlexStewart) August 17, 2019

Thank you, @BetoORourke for acknowledging the important work of @MomsDemand in Little Rock, AR at #RecessRally today. #ARLeg pic.twitter.com/6ryZJznqqi

— Amy G (@EVELYNNGSMOMMY) August 17, 2019

Everytown is calling gun violence a “public health epidemic,” and reports that 100 Americans are shot and killed every day and hundreds more are wounded. The rallies yet again brought some sobering statistics to light. According to the Gun Violence Archive, a nonprofit that tracks data related to guns and gun-related violence, there have been more mass shooting incidents than days this year — as of publication, the archive reports that 261 confirmed mass shootings have occurred in the U.S. in 2019.

But gun deaths are not limited to the shootings that make national headlines, the Pew Research Center writes. In 2017, the most recent year with complete data available, nearly 40,000 people died from gun-related injuries. Six out of 10 of those deaths were suicides, while the rest were murders, involved law enforcement, were unintentional, or had unintended consequences.

Everytown also announced a million-dollar digital and TV ad campaign aimed at Republican Senators during Congress’ ongoing August recess.

“The American people want action on gun violence, and we’re saying so in a voice loud enough for every senator to hear,” said John Feinblatt, president of Everytown for Gun Safety. “We’re unleashing the full power of our grassroots movement and leading our most aggressive August spending effort ever, to ensure the Senate gets the message and passes background checks and a strong federal ‘Red Flag’ law.”

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Growing up is hard to do. Before "adulting" — that is, clumsily impersonating our role models and pretending we have our lives together — became a buzzword, we "came of age." The action is still the same: staying out too late and trying to "find ourselves," or building a new life in a strange city. Thankfully, we have movies to help guide us to adulthood.

The best thing about coming-of-age movies is that you can watch them and get a better understanding of yourself today. The awkwardness of getting older is more than acne and puberty, and more than the milestones of academic life. Growing up is about looking around and piecing together what you want and don't want, who is and isn't worth listening to, where you do and don't feel safe. Whether you're working through these internal dilemmas in someone else's house — in a family home or with a band on tour — or in your first apartment, it's all tough.

These are the best coming-of-age movies we can think of. And while many such movies are about love and romance, we've culled a list of films that have a little more to offer than a traditional romance, because you don't have to fall in love to find yourself. "Coming of age" isn't about meeting the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with, but deciding what you want to spend the rest of your life as.

Keep checking back before your next movie night. We'll be adding new movies to this list regularly.

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Update: Four months after the postponement of the first-ever perfume collaboration between Kim Kardashian West and Kylie Jenner, there is finally a launch date for the project. KKW Fragrance announced on Instagram that the collection of three perfumes will be available on August 23. This news comes after production for the product failed its durability test back in April.

With an official release date, there are also more details out about the perfumes. The three lip-shaped bottles will house scents with notes of coconut, amber, and gardenia. Each bottle (30 mL) will be priced at $40, with a trio bundle also available for $110. It's safe to say that these Instagrammable bottles will be all over the internet in no time.

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A post shared by KKW FRAGRANCE (@kkwfragrance) on Aug 16, 2019 at 3:03pm PDT

Update (April 17, 2019): If you had a calendar reminder set for when the KKW Fragrance x Kylie collection drops on April 26th, you can turn it off... or at least hit snooze for the foreseeable future. According to a tweet by Kim Kardashian West, production of the perfume is on hold due to a failed durability test.

"Sadly, we found out today from the manufacturer that a few of our bottles did not pass durability tests while on the assembly line and we have paused production while the team explores the issue further," Kardashian West wrote. "Together, we made the difficult decision to delay the launch as we should never release a product that did not meet the strictest of quality guidelines."

While the sisters didn't share an updated release date for the lip-shaped perfume, Kardashian Wes vowed to update the public as soon as soon as a new launch date is set in stone. Watch this space for more updates.

pic.twitter.com/KfhLtU9ChA

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 17, 2019

Update (April 15, 2019): Just two weeks after Keeping Up With The Kardashians leaked an upcoming fragrance collaboration between Kylie Jenner and Kim Kardashian West, the perfume is finally here.

Kardashian West took to Instagram today to announce the "KKW Fragrance x Kylie" collection. In true Kylie form, the bottles are shaped like lips and come in shades you'd also find in her Lip Kit collection: nude, pink, and red.

Kardashian West announced that the perfumes come in three different scents and include notes of red lotus blossoms, liquid amber, and peony. They're set to launch on kkkwfragrance.com on April 26th, and judging by Kardashian West's clip on the episode, you'll definitely see them in selfies everywhere around that time.

This story was originally published April 1, 2019.

Sundays won't be the same for the next couple of weeks as Keeping Up With The Kardashians is back for its 16th season. And while we shamelessly tune in, waiting for the Jordyn-Tristan scandal to go down on TV, the season premiere gave us an unexpected look into an upcoming beauty collaboration between the family's biggest beauty moguls.

During the episode, Kylie Jenner arrives at sister Kim Kardashian West's house for a business meeting about a new perfume that will supposedly be released under the KKW Fragrance line.

The sisters get right to it and choose their favorite scent from perfume test strips and sampler bottles with the label Givaudan — a flavor and fragrance manufacturer. While Jenner had her favorite picked out, KKW hands her sister another pick saying, "I feel like it has potential." After taking a whiff, Kylie seems sold on that option.

And while we might not have any clues to what that winning scent is, we did get a clear look at the packaging during the scene. The perfume's bottle is shaped like lips, a nod to the kits that started Kylie's billion-dollar business. Kim showed her youngest sibling the two different sizes for the bottle and explained why it'd make more sense to go with the smaller size — it's be better for selfies, of course.

This isn't the first we've heard of this collaboration. Last October, KKW confirmed the product launch during an interview with Ashley Graham for her podcast Pretty Big Deal. “I’m so excited. I have a fragrance coming out early next year with Kylie,” she revealed. “Kylie only wears my fragrances. She’s always loved them and has always collected them in her room since she was little and when I started. She’s my biggest supporter on that, so I’m excited for that collab."

Well, if early 2019 is still the plan, the collaboration could be coming any day now. And if we look to the sell-out status of their previous makeup collabs and Kim's fragrance launches, this perfume will surely sell out fast, and according to their marketing plans, make for great Instagram shots, too.

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Kaia Gerber doesn't turn 18 until September, but her young age hasn't stopped her from racking up an impressive collection of some of the trendiest, most dainty tattoos in all of Hollywood. Over the past couple years, the model has gotten an angel on her ribcage, a tiny spaceship on her thigh, and a Picasso-esque drawing on the inside of her left arm.

Then, over the weekend, Gerber added another delicate tattoo to her lineup: a line drawing of an anatomical heart in red ink on the crook of her elbow on her right arm.

She shared a first look at the ink to her Instagram Story on Sunday and tagged the artist, Rafael Valdez, who also inked her middle name, "Jordan," on the inside of her left arm.

Whereas some stars are keen on sharing the backstories behind each tattoo, Gerber has historically kept hers under the radar. But, as she told us earlier this year, she usually uses tattoos to keep certain memories close at hand. "Each one is a memory and means something important to me," she said. "I try not to take them too seriously because each one represents a time in my life that I can look back on and remember."

Whatever the significance may be — if there is one at all — we have to say the cool outline and bright-red ink makes us want to take the image to our next tattoo appointment... with or without a memory to attach it to.

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Crying isn’t exactly rare on the UnStyled podcast. But it took next to nothing — a couple of introductory questions — for this week’s guest, Samantha Bee, to burst into tears. Talking to Refinery29’s global editor-in-chief and cofounder Christene Barberich about her childhood in Toronto, the Full Frontal host notes, “I was raised in large part by my grandmother. I had a really tight relationship with her. Her name was Doris Macon; she was awesome. She — oh no, we already made me cry just thinking about my grandmother. Shit.”

Collecting herself a bit, Bee adds, “I haven't actually said her name in years. That's crazy. She was great.”

As the comedian explains it, her parents were “high school sweethearts” when her mother became pregnant with her, and got married “against literally everyone’s wishes,” splitting up not much later. “I love my parents,” Bee stresses to Barberich. “I swear I really love them, but they were kids, and so they didn’t know what they were doing. So my grandmother was always there. She was always, foundationally, the person who always was like did you eat? Have you had a sandwich? We were very, very close. She was a consistent force, the safest place.”

More than that, “Gam” as she called her, was “super ahead of her time,” Bee says. “Her side of the family, without being self-conscious about it, they were modern women who would divorce shitty husbands, and move on to be single women in the world.” Born in 1916, her grandmother understandably had fewer options than women today. “It was not really thought of or even a possibility for her to go to college, which she really wanted to do,” Bee says.

“But she did go to secretarial school, and got a job. She did not want to get married. She kind of got forced down the aisle, I think, and wasn't super excited about it. I also loved my granddad, but there was no mistaking the fact that she probably should not have done that. There was another path for her, probably.”

While she died before her granddaughter became a household name, her grandmother did give her blessing to comedian/actor Jason Jones, Bee’s future husband, early on in their relationship. “I'm going to cry again. Fine, I'll cry,” Bee says. “I'll say this. Because she died when I was 27, the one thing that she did get to do was meet Jason. She was kind of dying when she met him, and he was so great. She'd been so worried about me. Because I didn’t know what career path I was going to go down, and I was kind of confused. I didn’t know what the hell was happening, but Jason was so special, and she could see that. She was like, ‘Okay, well, I think I can die because I think that you're in really good hands. I've done my work and now I can pass the torch.”

For much more from Bee and Barberich’s discussion — her transition from The Daily Show correspondent to headlining Full Frontal, how her team processes all those awful headlines into good TV, and her interesting backstage meeting with Bruce Springsteen — listen to this week’s UnStyled and subscribe via Apple Podcasts today.

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Welcome to Refinery29’s Fertility Diaries, where people chronicle their joyous, painful, and sometimes complicated paths to parenthood.

History: Two Mondays ago I turned 40, and the next day I went in for monitoring for my first (and only — if my biggest birthday wish ever came true) IVF cycle. I remarried two years ago, and since then it’s been three IUIs, and lots of natural...erhh, trying that got me here. I’ve never been pregnant (despite previous attempts with my first husband in my late 20s), and at this time have not been diagnosed with endometriosis, PCOS, or any other conditions that would hinder my efforts. So what I’m working with is a big ol’ question mark that we in the game call “ unexplained infertility,” and *Marisa Tomei foot-stomping voice* my biological clock is ticking like THIS.

Age: 40
Location: Chicago, IL
Occupation: Design Director
Household Income: $200K

November 13, 2017
First consultation with a fertility specialist

My partner and I first decided to meet with a fertility specialist a few weeks after we got married because we’d been “casually trying” for months. I say casually because I wasn’t taking hormones, wasn’t peeing on any ovulation sticks, and was simply tracking my cycle on an app. I was 38 and he was 36. I was also previously married and tried for a baby in my late 20s with no success, so I was worried there might be something wrong. The doctor we made an appointment with was recommended by a trusted friend who had been through an unfair share of miscarriages and other fertility hurdles.

So, two weeks after our mini honeymoon, we went to visit a doctor at a highly regarded clinic. We liked him immediately, so after the appointment I researched him, asked around, and found a few more people who went to him and had only positive things to say. We then decided to move forward, and get all of our blood work done. This included basic STD checks along with thyroid, CBC panels, and DNA testing. My husband also had a sperm analysis.

Cost: $250 for consultation, $150 for sperm analysis, and $300 for DNA testing. I believe the doctor’s office did some voodoo with the coding because my insurance at the time did not cover any fertility assistance

December 7, 2017
Hysterosalpingography test

I scheduled a hysterosalpingography (HSG), also called an uterosalpingography, a.k.a the dreaded “ink test” to see if there was any blockage happening. This test blows, TBH. But, it’s not as bad as I worked it up to be. After countless Google searches about how painful the ink test would be, and reading way too much on it, I finally settled on telling myself: “Listen, you want a child, so if you can’t handle a five minute ink test, then this may not be the path for you. So shut up and stop whining, self.”

This is something I continue to say over and over again throughout my fertility journey. Anyway, back to the test. It was uncomfortable, it feels unnatural, the machine is too loud, it’s messy, and it made me weirdly nauseous while it was happening, but it was over fast. Also, the results are pretty immediate, and my doctor told me I was in the clear. My tubes were not blocked — hurray! Despite being 38, I was the perfect specimen of fertility health. I am Venus, goddess of fertility, now get me the F out of this hospital, I thought.

Cost: $600; my insurance at the time did not cover any fertility treatments or testing

November 13, 2018
Back to the fertility doctor

It had been almost a year since we met with the doctor and got everything checked out. Looking back, I wish I hadn’t waited that year, but life happens. We were enjoying our first year of marriage, “trying” naturally, and I switched jobs. My partner also lost his. We traveled and dealt with a few other big life things. I definitely felt the pang of disappointment each month when I got my period, but I just... I suppose I wasn’t ready financially (my last job didn’t cover any fertility treatments and my husband was now independently employed). I was also so busy with other things. I wasn’t really focused on the medical assistance route. My tests all checked out, I was only 38... but now I was 39 and nothing was happening. So back to the doctor we went to speak about next steps.

Since my new insurance covered IUI treatments, my doctor suggested we try three rounds. He said three was the most I should try at my age, since if it doesn’t work in three tries, the probability of it working at all drops. Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is pretty noninvasive, and it’s a good first step to get your life accustomed to all the clinic visits and monitoring.

Cost: $30 copay, since my new insurance covers IUI treatments, I mostly have $30 copays now

I wasn’t really focused on the medical assistance route. My tests all checked out, I was only 38... but now I was 39 and nothing was happening. So back to the doctor we went to speak about next steps.

January 13, 2019
First IUI consultation

So it’s two months since we decided to move forward with the IUI treatments, and we’re finally going for the first one. The reason two months went by is that November is the busiest month of work for me, and I was still new at the company. I was overwhelmed. In December we took a vacation while I was ovulating. When you start assisted fertility treatments of any kind, you have to plan on focusing on it. Not meaning you need to agonize over it at every moment of the day (although that’ll inevitably happen in waves), but you need to be present to make it a priority. We got back from holiday, it was a new year, and we were finally ready to do the thing.

Cost: $30 copay

January 20, 2019
First trip to the clinic for monitoring follicles and ovulation

The mindset of “do the thing” is a cruel joke for those dealing with infertility. You have almost no control. I’ve been taking Clomid, a follicle-stimulating hormone that helps increase egg production, for about a week, and that shit makes me nuts. I cry easily, I am weirdly emotional, and I’m all of a sudden feeling helpless. I don’t think it was all on the Clomid, but something switched once I started visiting the clinic — which, by the way, is not a terrible place. The nurses were kind, it was immaculate, and if you got there early enough (I arrived at 6:45 a.m. the first time because I thought I had to), you got your bloodwork and ultrasound done with care and in lightning speed. I was in and out in 15 minutes.

Cost: Free as insurance covers all IUI monitoring

January 21, 2019
Second monitoring visit

The second time I went to the clinic, armed with the knowledge that you can go at any time you want between 6:45 and 9:30 a.m., I arrived at 8:15 a.m. Big mistake. The place was packed. It felt like half the women in town were here doing exactly what I was doing.

Cost: Free

January 22, 2019
Trigger shot

The third time I went to the clinic, my test results showed that it was time for insemination. Before this happens, you sometimes get a trigger shot. This shot is done to trigger ovulation and help time it so that it happens 36 hours later. That’s when I’d go back to get the IUI done. I am a giant baby — for example, I eat prenatal gummies because the pills are just too. damn. big. — so I did not like the looks of the giant needle. I trusted the clinic and the nurse, however, so I pulled down my waistband, faced the wall, and got a shot right on top of my butt before heading off to work. It stung a little, but in the end, no biggie.

Cost: $50 copay for the trigger shot

January 23, 2019
IUI day

The day of the IUI, my husband and I went up to a quieter floor of the clinic where he “produced” his semen. Since I’m apparently not as mature as I should be, I had many questions about this specimen room. We joked about how he had it easy. The clinic then washes the semen, and handed us a small vial of concentrated sperm — just the best guys apparently. That’s the point of washing. To clean out the duds and make sure you’re getting the most mobile straight shooters you can get. I then took this vial back down to what was basically Union Station (since it was now prime time at the clinic), and awaited to be inseminated with my husband’s sperm. The insemination process itself was so quick and noninvasive that I questioned how it could possibly work.The doctor on call took the sperm, attached it to a catheter and then inserted it into my cervix so it could reach my uterus. After, I continued to lie on the table for 10 minutes. Then I got up and left. It didn’t hurt, and I was sort of like, that’s...it? Yep, that’s it. Basically it’s just like giving the sperm a running start. A slingshot towards the finish line, if you will.

Cost: $60 copay

February 4, 2019
The 2WW

If you ever embark on your own fertility “journey” get ready for the acronyms. Lots and lots of acronyms. They range from legitimate scientific terms like FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormones) to cutesy ones like BFP/BFN (Big Fat Positive/Big Fat Negative). Fertility boards are littered with these, and I’m still a bit under water when it comes to all the terminology. In case it’s helpful, I sometimes use this handy-dandy TTC (Trying To Conceive) glossary from Co Fertility. I’ve gone figuratively running from an online forum once when a woman dropped the SBD acronym into the convo and wrote in parenthesis (sideways baby dance). You know what else is three letters? The word SEX. But, what I’ve learned from this experience is that everyone needs to deal with it in their own way. Whatever helps you cope or lightens you up during this dark, distressing time — do it.

Anyway, the 2WW (two week wait) is the worst. This is the time between ovulation and your period where anything and everything can be a sign that you’re indeed pregnant. My salad smells weird — heightened sense of smell! I had a cramp — *Googles can you feel implantation?* Apparently not, but maybe I can. A baby on the train looked at me — it’s a sign from God, I must be pregnant! Spotting the day before my period is due... perhaps that’s the implantation and not actually my period coming? Nope, it’s my period. Tears in the office bathroom. Will try again next time.

February 18 - February 21, 2019
Another one

Another IUI that didn’t take. This seriously sucks, and it’s becoming harder to act like a normal, non-weepy person around my best friend who’s due in June.

Cost: $60 copay

April 18 - April 20, 2019
Three time’s not a charm

IUI number three. At this point I’m feeling like IUI is a joke for me. I wasn’t able to do it in March because of work travel, and I was feeling pretty defeated in April. Everyone, and I mean ev-er-y-one, will tell you that you have to, “Stay positive! Don’t stress! Believe it will happen!” But something about the IUI for me just seemed so lacking. At this point I was just doing it because my insurance covered it. It wasn’t hurting my chances, so why not.

Cost: $60 copay

May 16, 2019
Back to the doctor

After three failed IUI cycles, my husband and I went back to the doctor to discuss the next step — IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). But before we started, he wanted me to do blood work again and get another ultrasound to re-check my tubes. This time the procedure was done with saline rather than iodine, so it was a much lighter version of the “ink test.” Again, the results came back fine, but my blood work came back with heightened (TSH) thyroid-stimulating hormone — meaning Hypothyroid disease. I am not going to get all science-y (mostly because I can’t and if I could, it’d get real boring), but since my numbers were a little high, my doctor prescribed Levothyroxine to get me to a better place for what I like to think of as, ultimate fertility domination. I had to take this for two months before starting IVF.

Cost: Levothyroxine is covered by insurance and came with a $15 copay

June 11, 2019
My insurance covers 0% of my IVF cycle

I was out at a conference that ended early, so I finally had time to talk to my insurance company. When I spoke to them on the phone a few weeks back about coverage for IVF, the rep was super cagey. While I knew they wouldn’t cover the actual IVF procedure, I was hopeful that the medication — which costs thousands on its own — would indeed be covered. Several letters, emails, and phone calls later, I learn nothing is covered. OK, two meds are covered — the cheapest ones. So pretty much zero coverage. I was going to be out about $26,000. And on this day I nearly lost it. June and July were bleak months for me. The financial stress of it all was almost physically painful.

To backtrack a little bit more about my finances — I had almost no savings when I started my new job. I was never very careful with my money and had helped pay for our wedding two years back, which cost most of what I had saved up previously. I also spend a fair amount on travel, which I’ve decided I don’t regret. I do have a retirement fund and some small investments. Knowing that I might be heading into IVF zone with no coverage, we decided not to take any big trips, I stopped most frivolous shopping, and was good about bringing my lunch to work, among a few other cut corners. We had been saving all year, and we now had a combined $40K in the bank, and a zero balance on our credit cards. We now had the money we needed, but the stress of spending it on something that’s not even guaranteed to work is a lot.

July 1, 2019
Going clean

I’m a fairly healthy person. I work out (sometimes!), I don’t eat much junk food, don’t smoke, and drink at most two to four glasses of wine a week. Sometimes an Old Fashioned is in the mix. My one consistent vice is coffee — I love it and drink about two to three cups a day. But now that I was embarking on this major financial, emotional, and body-tolling treatment, I was ready to do whatever I could to help improve my odds, so the coffee and wine were out, and gluten free was in. I don’t speak on behalf of all women dealing with infertility everywhere, but I would take a guess based on my experience and the countless, faceless women commenting in forums, and chatter on social media that we’re a prime group for marketing to. If I read somewhere that pineapple aids conception with its magical anti-inflammatory bromelain enzyme, you better believe I’m eating pineapple. I wanted to be as clean and healthy as possible so I treated myself, and signed up for Sakara Life and started going to acupuncture. This was an expense but I justified it with the hopes that optimal health will hopefully lead to the best results which would then lead to never doing this again.

Cost: The Sakara Life meal plan was $239 a week and I did this for all of July for a total of $956

July 3, 2019
I found the right acupuncturist

I was actually afraid of acupuncture and questioned if it was a good idea to try. I’m not big on massages, and couldn’t fathom how someone sticking needles in you was going to be relaxing. Not only do I know nothing about Western medicine, I also know zilch about Chinese medicine. But, everyone I spoke to said they did it to help their fertility, so I am giving it a try. I think the reason I really enjoyed my acupuncture experience was the acupuncturist herself. There’s a mini therapy-like session at the beginning where she asks how I’m doing, and it really helps to speak with a professional. She’s a great listener and really knows her stuff when it comes to IVF, as acupuncture for fertility is her specialty. Still don’t really get what the needles do (warms you and gets the blood moving?), but being a little pincushion is oddly relaxing, and I usually take a nice lucid nap during my session.

Cost: $140 a session, for July and August for a total of $980

July 8, 2019
IVF Class

We attended a group class at the clinic that walked us through how to administer all the shots we’d be taking. When they showed us the big needle for the trigger shot I teared up a little, and my husband grabbed my hand. It was so overwhelming getting all the info at once and seeing all the needles together. Even though they gave us fake patches of silicone skin to test doing the shots on, I couldn’t imagine mixing all the medication and doing this to myself at home. I knew I’d have to ( you want that baby, this is nothing compared to that, I told myself, yet again), but it just seemed like a lot.

Cost: All of this is included in the IVF package, which totaled about $19,500

July 23, 2019
Meeting with a financial advisor

The cost of everything had me spiraling, so I did something that I thought would help me find some solid ground: I set up a meeting with a financial advisor. This is the first time I’ve ever sat down and taken a careful, honest look at my finances. My retirement savings are in several different funds, I have some investments that are doing nothing, and I really didn’t have a hold on what I had or what I needed for the future. This was one of the best meetings I had this year. I walked out feeling lighter and armed with some new knowledge and a little bit more control of my life.

Cost: There is no upfront cost for the advisor, but she’ll be taking a percentage of my investment earnings once I sign up with her for at least a year. This is a long-term investment plan.

July 25, 2019
Patches

The week leading up to the start of my period and the start of the IVF treatment, the doctor prescribed estrogen patches to prime my body for the treatment. These are like band-aids that you wear on your stomach. They even come in a box like band-aids. Except this box has a giant sticker on it that says, “May Cause Cancer.” After a panicked call to the nurse, who told me everything I’ll be taking says that and not to worry (cool), I started patching.

Cost: Box of Vivelle-Dot patches, $174

As happy as I was for my best friend and my sister, this feeling of total elation for them was matched equally by depths of jealousy and pity for myself. I was miserable.

July 31, 2019
Good-riddance to July 2019

July was a hard month. Harder than my divorce. I didn’t want to socialize. It was difficult to speak to my closest of friends who have kids, including my best friend who just had two beautiful, healthy babies from her IVF treatment, and my sister who was pregnant again. When you’re dealing with infertility there’s a duality to everything. As happy as I was for my best friend and my sister, this feeling of total elation for them was matched equally by depths of jealousy and pity for myself. I was miserable. My husband was there for me — he’s incredibly loving and supportive and always checking in on me, but I was in a dark place.

During this time, there were bright spots though, and I owe them to other women. While I did distance myself socially IRL and online (muted everyone with a baby on Instagram which felt simply like… everyone on Instagram), many of the women in my orbit would not have it, and continued to reach out even when I tried to shut them out. While I was withdrawn, when someone would engage with me, I did usually share what was going on and found that those friends in both my close and outer circles were so compassionate. They were there for lunches and talks, or even a reassuring, deep text thread. My boss gave me a good luck charm. Women in the Facebook fertility group and a local online forum I joined were always ready to help each other with an insightful point of view. The latter group of women also helped each other out with sharing extra meds. And this whole process has made me a more caring, attentive person, too. I was set to start the IVF cycle in early August and with the support of other women I had just enough strength to move forward with it all.

Cost: Good friends are always free

August 2, 2019
I think I might be pregnant

The thyroid medication screwed with my cycle, so my previous one only lasted 24 days instead of my usual 28 days. It was now day 30 of my cycle and just a few days before my 40th birthday. I took a pregnancy test to see if I was possibly pregnant since I was late. It came back negative, but it was still early. I was sure I was pregnant this time. It was all too perfect. Here I was about to drop all the money I had and turn 40, so of course this would happen naturally now. I replayed the fairytale of telling this story to all of our friends in a few months… hiding our big secret that we got pregnant right before IVF, telling my future child that they were the best birthday gift of all. Day 31, still no period. Day 32, period. The next day it was my 40th birthday and monitoring for my IVF cycle began. I also received a big bouquet of flowers from my husband.

August 6, 2019
The stims

Knowing that my insurance covers nothing, my doctor graciously set aside some extra medication he had at the office. A good friend who just had her baby had a few extra vials of stims (the medication that’s used in IVF to stimulate your body to produce more follicles — each of which are hopefully storing healthy eggs), which I happily accepted. Even after all this, I still had to buy a few days worth of meds. The accompanying meds for IVF would have cost me an extra $6,000, in addition to the $20,000 for the actual procedure, but all of this helped save me about $3,000.

Cost: All of this remaining medication totaled $2,900

August 7, 2019
First night of shots

On the first night of shots, I decided to pay for a nurse to come to our apartment to walk us through how to mix all the medication. The clinic tries to choose a nurse based on your location and the one on call for me lives just a few blocks away. She was friendly and carefully walked us through proper setup, mixing of the Menopur vials, and showing us how to administer the shots. It was so helpful.

Cost: This all cost $100, which felt steep because it lasted 15 minutes, but it also brought me great relief

August 8, 2019
What is money?

My husband was not around and I panicked and texted the nurse to come back and do the shots again.

Cost: $100

August 9, 2019
Meeting with the genetic counselor

My husband and I sat down to go over our options for the embryo transfer. Here’s where more acronyms start to kick in. You basically have two options: Option one is a fresh transfer, which means that after the embryo is fertilized (ICSI), it’s transferred to you at around day three — no testing. Option two is FET (frozen embryo transfer), which means if you have viable embryos on day three, you can wait a little longer for it to develop and then biopsy and test the embryo’s genetics. The geneticist will grade your embryos, and the lab will freeze the ones you choose. Then at a later month, you transfer the highest rated embryo or embryos in the bunch for the best chance at a healthy pregnancy.

Ideally, I would like to be able to test, but if we don’t get a lot of viable embryos, I might just take my chances and do a fresh transfer. The reason for this is, let’s say I only have one healthy embryo. I’d rather take the chance of transferring it back right away to its natural home in my body and see what happens, than have that one embryo go through the stress of a biopsy (some don’t make it through this), possibly finding out it’s a middle grade, then needing to decide if I want to freeze it, dealing with a small chance of issues with the thaw, and then putting it back in.

Cost: Included in the whole IVF package

August 10, 2019
Monitoring at the clinic

By now I know what a Saturday morning at the clinic is like, so I leave at 6:30 a.m. to beat the crowds. During my ultrasound the attending doctor shares that my left follicles are growing but the right have not. She said that it’s still early in the cycle and they should start to develop. Later that day I get a call to add Ganirelix (a drug that stops the eggs from releasing prematurely) to my regimen for at least the next two nights. So starting tonight I’ll now be giving myself at least three shots.

Cost: Included in the whole IVF package

August 10, 2019
Shots shots shots

I’ve weirdly been looking forward to my stomach shots because I get on a little high when they’re done. They really aren’t so bad now that I’ve got the hang of it, and I feel accomplished when it’s complete. Plus I eat dinner and let myself relax and watch TV after so it feels like I get a reward. Tonight the Menapur and Gonal F drugs go quicker than ever, but I clumsily dropped the Ganirelix on the floor. I quickly picked it up and did some recon on my offending syringe. The needle was bent with a crack and the liquid was filled with bubbles. I texted a photo to the nurse who told me not to use it. Great. Why not light $100 bills on fire while I’m at it. My husband told me not to stress because there was nothing I could do, but I was pissed. And the damn thing had a slightly thicker gauge needle than the Menapur and Gonal F medication, so when I went to inject myself using a new, non-broken syringe, it didn’t slide in with ease like the other meds. I angrily jabbed myself and did the deed.

Cost: $92 for an additional Ganirelix syringe

August 12, 2019
Collecting contraband

Last night I put the word out to a few friends and the local online group asking if anyone had an extra injection pen (minus the needles, of course). My doctor had given me a cartridge of medication for free but it didn’t come with the injection pen applicator and my pharmacy didn’t sell them alone. The medication given to me cost $900, so I needed that pen. People who have insurance that covers everything often get sent extra meds and applicators that they don’t end up using so there’s a healthy gray market of sharing unused, unopened, unexpired medication for free. I received a text from someone who got my message. She had an extra pen and was happy to help.

Cost: Free

August 13, 2019
The big bill

When I arrived at the clinic for monitoring this morning, I was presented with the bill. The big bill — the one for the whole shebang. So, right there in a packed waiting room, I handed over my Delta Amex (go points!) and paid up. Then I casually walked back to a seat to wait to be monitored. I texted my husband and told him we were going somewhere fun and far away for a long weekend whether this worked or not.

During the ultrasound monitoring the on-call doctor made a comment that my right side was looking “sleepy.” Here’s an acronym you’re likely familiar with: WTF. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!

Cost: $18,500.00 This includes the retrieval procedure, anesthesia, testing for up to four embryos (more than that will be an additional cost if I am so lucky to have more), and the transfer. There will be an additional hospital utility fee of $1000 on the day I’m admitted for the retrieval procedure

August 14, 2019
The captain ovary

Today I requested an appointment with my doctor for monitoring since I was worried about the development of the follicles. Since I go to a group practice, I don’t necessarily see my doctor for monitoring and I found out that, unfortunately, he may not be the one doing my retrieval either. He took a look at the follicles and confirmed that my left ovary had at least six growing follicles (looking great!, he said), while the right ovary had one tiny follicle and was busy taking an insanely expensive nap this month. I asked him if I should stop and try again next month, but he assured me that the left was in a great place and to keep it going.

After I left monitoring (in tears, despite my doctor’s positive affirmation, worrying about my under-developed right ovary), I went to meet the woman who offered up her injection pen. It was only a one-minute meeting, but when she handed me the bag and said, “good luck,” I looked at her and nearly cried — again. But this time out of appreciation and comradeship.

August 15, 2019
Meditation

My friend reached out and asked if I wanted to join her at the beach this weekend. I told her that my retrieval was likely going to be scheduled any day now and I wasn’t sure I’d be up for a beach day. She suggested trying out a meditation class together at Chill instead Friday night. What an awesome pal I have.

Cost: $22 for a session

The fertility journey sucks ass and I can’t wait for it to be behind me. That’s the honest truth. But — and this is a big, big BUT — I feel that I’ve become stronger from this whole thing.

August 16, 2019
Last day of monitoring?

I just left monitoring and am waiting for the call to let me know if the trigger shot will be tonight for a Sunday retrieval or Saturday night for a Monday retrieval. I’m really hoping for tonight because I’m out of some of the meds and I don’t want to buy more. I’m also ready to get some relief from my insane bloat. Despite righty o’ doing the least, all systems seem to be a go with the left ovary in command.

Total Spent: $26,600

Reflection: The fertility journey sucks ass and I can’t wait for it to be behind me. That’s the honest truth. But — and this is a big, big BUT — I feel that I’ve become stronger from this whole thing. My relationship with my husband is solid, I’m grateful for my friends, and feel so incredibly cared for. I have also found that I’m comfortable sharing the process and my emotions openly, which is not something I’ve always been secure with in the past. Plus, I’ve been successfully stabbing my tummy for two weeks with not a tear in my eye. I know I have the biggest challenges ahead of me still, but I can say that I am tougher now than I was at the start.

For more about how to navigate the costs of fertility treatments, check out Refinery29's discussion with CBS This Morning.

Have your own Fertility Diary to share? Contact us, here.

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