We're mature adults who can have grown-up conversations about sex; we did away with "private parts" euphemisms long ago; and we roll our eyes every time someone says, "That's what she said," right? Right, of course...for the most part.
But when the sex joke comes from somewhere we least expect — like our nail polish — we can't make any promises that we won't giggle every time someone compliments our manicure and we get to tell them the shade is Pussy Galore. What can we say? Some things still make us blush.
Ahead, find 31 products that we suspect took their moniker inspiration from the Kama Sutra — or, in a few X-rated instances, PornHub. Of course there's info on where to buy yourself each one, too. Because, unless you have a mom like Amber Rose, we’re guessing these won’t be the kind of holiday gifts you request this year.
Like those patent stilettos that make your legs look 10 times longer and work with any outfit — but in lipgloss form.
NARS Lip Gloss in Striptease, $26, available at NARS.
Our favorite supermodels wore this in their hair at Fashion Week, and the result was gorgeous, so we'd say it's a solid purchase. Just make sure not to leave it on your bedside table by accident, or things could get...sticky.
Cock Grease XXX Hair Pomade, $14, available at The Grease Shop.
Gloss is in, and this is the one you're gonna want to wear on that date with the Christian Grey look-alike.
MAC Studio Eyegloss in Spank Me, $22, available at MAC.
There are a lot of slang terms for the vagina. This one is not our favorite.
Urban Decay Eyeshadow in Snatch, $19, available at Urban Decay.
This ivory shadow, the perfect base, gets straight to the point.
Illamasqua Powder Eyeshadow in Sex, $23, available at Illamasqua.
If you've decided you're ready to get naked with that someone, let this heady floral be the only thing left on you.
Frederic Malle Carnal Flower, $255, available at Barneys New York.
We think we just found our go-to pedicure color for cuffing season.
Deborah Lippmann Nail Polish Between the Sheets, $18, available at Deborah Lippmann.
An orgasm a day can deliver better skin, but if you're short on time, reach for this self-adjusting, universally flattering blush, instead.
Smashbox O-Glow Intuitive Cheek Color with Goji Berry-C Complex, $29, available at Sephora.
Yes, we know this shade is named after the badass Goldfinger character, but we still giggle like a preteen every time we see it in the salon.
OPI Nail Polish in Pussy Galore, $12.99, available at Amazon.
Prerequisite for this, sadly, discontinued blush's name: beginner knowledge of British slang.
MAC Kelly Osbourne Blush in Cheeky Bugger, $22, no longer available.
Show them who's boss, with this gorgeous, deep-berry gloss.
Lorac Alter Ego Lip Gloss in Dominatrix, $16, available at Lorac.
You might still be searching for that elusive G-spot orgasm, but the hunt for the most flattering blush ends here.
NARS Multiple in G-Spot, $39, available at NARS.
No mascara is better than sex, but some would argue this cult one is better than all the other products in your makeup bag. So that counts for something.
Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara, $23, available at Too Faced.
Set aside your strobing palette for the night in favor of this ultra-brightening moisturizer.
Soap & Glory Glow Job Daily Radiance Moisture Lotion, $12.11, available at Boots.
There will be no "saving yourself" once you get your hands on this everyday beige shade — it's too good to not dip right into.
Urban Decay Eyeshadow in Virgin, $19, available at Sephora.
Is the camel toe worth celebrating? We'll let you decide.
Cheeky Monkey Cosmetics Nail Polish in Camel Toe, $15, available at Cheeky Monkey Cosmetics.
For anyone who has ever picked up two cantaloupes at the grocery store...
Too Faced La Creme Color Drenched Lipstick in Juicy Melons, $22, available at Too Faced.
The jury might still be out on size versus skill, but one thing is certain: This off-red shade looks good on every skin tone.
Essie Nail Polish in Size Matters, $8.50, available at Essie.
This wand lets you reach every single little lash for your prettiest, most fanned-out lashes ever.
Too Faced LashGasm Mascara, $21, available at Too Faced.
This hair cream with one of the tamer names on the list lives up to its promise and delivers soft, bouncy curls.
Not Your Mother’s Kinky Moves Curl Defining Hair Cream, $5.99, available at Ulta Beauty.
Even if all of our skin doesn't look this soft and supple in the nude, we can treat our lids to the best.
Benefit Creaseless Cream Eyeshadow in Birthday Suit, $20, available at Benefit.
For when you want to feel your absolute baddest.
Urban Decay Perversion Mascara, $22, available at Sephora.
A glowing, red-hot shade for when you want a really racy mani.
Essie Nail Polish in After Sex, $8.50, available at Essie.
This easy-to-use chubby pencil makes our touch-ups way less of a hassle. Because sometimes you just want a quickie.
NARS Velvet Matte Lip Pencil in Sex Machine, $26, available at NARS.
NARS Orgasm blush tends to get all the love, but this peachier, raunchier one is just as good at giving you that telltale flush.
NARS Blush in Deep Throat, $30, available at Sephora.
Can we all agree Jessica Rabbit would totally rock this candy-apple red under her gloves?
China Glaze Nail Lacquer in Seduce Me, $6.99, available at Sally Beauty.
The 69 position takes a lot more effort than you'd think. This lipstick, though, is all play, no work.
Urban Decay Vice Lipstick in 69, $17, available at Sephora.
The palette that sparked countless imitations and has every nude shade you could ever want is definitely one of our beauty loves.
Urban Decay Naked, $54, available at Sephora.
The most feminine name for female genitalia — and the most feminine fuchsia sheen for our lips.
Urban Decay Vice Lipstick in Ladyflower, $19, available at Sephora.
This baby won't budge, so you can make out all night without a care in the world.
Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics Lip Tar in Hoochie, $16, available at Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics.
Meow!
Nyx Hot Singles Eyeshadow in Sex Kitten, $4.50, available at Nyx.
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