This article was originally published on November 13, 2015.
About a decade ago, I was one of the token female porn reviewers for the Adult Video Network (AVN.com). I also wrote children’s books. You can guess which gig was paid better — and which one required me to use a pseudonym. I relished the opportunity to watch dozens of new videos each month on someone else’s dime. My masturbatory habits were always sated. Plus, it added a fun twist to my sexually charged relationship.
In my role as reviewer, I learned to describe every position — from missionary to reverse cowboy — in a myriad of creative ways. I got to know the actors’ between-the-sheets styles and skill sets; not all sexual activity is created equal. And I haven’t been able to look at an ATM machine without thinking “ass to mouth” ever since. Sure, I fast-forwarded through many slow moments, but I still learned a lot about sex from porn. Here are my seven biggest takeaways.
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Porn is like fast food for the libido.
I consider myself generous in the sack. But as much as I like getting it on with a partner, I’m a-okay taking below-the-belt business into my own hands. I put a heavy tag on self-pleasure. When I’m lazy and don’t want to deal with foreplay or reciprocation, a few minutes of porn revs me up faster than (most) any male member, tongue, or finger can. It doesn’t take much on-screen eye candy to give me an on-demand orgasm. Sometimes, a woman just wants to get from Point A to Point B.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Lesbian scenes really get me going.
On-screen, woman-on-woman action always gets me off, even though I consider myself to be mostly heterosexual. And I’m not alone. A 2014 report from the free porn site Pornhub revealed that women were 132% more likely than men to search for “lesbian.” Unlike a lot of porn produced with a male audience in mind, lesbian porn tends to focus on foreplay, sensuality, and the use of sex toys. Any visual prompt that focuses on female pleasure, mainly slow oral sex or penetration plus clit play, makes it easy for me to slip into the role of the sexual giver or recipient — and to climax.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Faking it isn’t sexy.
Like most women, I’ve faked orgasms. Sometimes to put an end to lame sex, other times to avoid hurt feelings. It happens. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that I bear some responsibility for every missed orgasm. It’s like when you go to a restaurant and have a subpar experience; unless you speak up, no one has the opportunity to fix the situation. The same thing goes for sex. Nothing kills the mood faster than feigned enthusiasm. On the screen or in real life, it’s obvious when someone isn’t into it, and phony moans aren’t sexy. If something is off, speak up and ask for what you want. There’s no reason to half-ass it in bed.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Porn allows me to explore my sexual fantasies.
Kind of like a virtual try-before-you-buy, watching porn allows me to explore a sexual fantasy before taking it live. If I’m toying with a certain kink or desire, I can watch how it might play out many different ways before making a skin-on-skin commitment. Plus, there’s the almighty mute button. For me, there’s just something super-hot about imagining the voice of someone you fantasize about on the screen instead.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Some sex positions may be best left to professionals.
For years, I fantasized about being double penetrated (DP). It was my Holy Grail of carnal conquests, and I spent inordinate amounts of time imagining who the two lucky guys would be, how I’d orchestrate such a scene, and how it would feel. The thought of being penetrated by multiple dicks aroused me. It still does. But if you look closely at a DP scene, it looks painful. Like, it would take a lot of practice to get the mechanics just right. I’ve accepted that reality probably doesn’t live up to the fantasy and have tamed my aspirations accordingly.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
I'd rather watch other people have sex in real life than on the internet.
I admit, I have voyeuristic tendencies. I like to rubberneck other people’s moments of intimacy, whether it’s a kiss on the subway, an unclothed walk by a window, or full-on fucking. It’s one thing to take in such moments from afar (a.k.a. the other side of a screen). Porn can be a great pinch-hitter, but I still prefer to observe all things copulatory within close proximity.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
My sexual preferences sometimes contradict my politics.
How sex is packaged and sold is a highly controversial subject. Still, porn is legal in the United States. If consenting adults choose to create a product that allows me to explore my sexuality, it’s my choice to enjoy it. Sure, there’s a huge amount of objectification (and other issues) within the industry. There’s also plenty of porn that isn’t so obviously offensive. Porn with women who don't look like perfectly groomed pneumatic Barbie Dolls and are the subject of pleasure is a real turn-on.
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