The tracking craze feels like it just started, but already, it seems like there’s a wearable (and an accompanying app) for just about anything. Your sleep patterns, periods, sex life — it’s all fair for the numbers game. As wearables have grown in popularity, designers and tech companies finally realized they were largely leaving out half of the market: the female half.
Right now, men still make up the overwhelming majority of people buying wearables, but that doesn't have to be the case. If trackers actually tracked what we wanted to track, like when the last time we washed our bra was (um, it was last week, right?) we'd be buying them in droves.
With that in mind, we polled our staff to find out what their dream tracker would do. Click through for seven models we’d like to see debut soon. (A note to the Fitbits and Apples of the tech world: We’ll happily take a share of the proceeds if these ideas do end up hitting the market for real.)
The "Um" & "Like" Tracker
If we had a dollar for every time we used filler phrases, such as "um" or "like," well, this app would let us know exactly how many dollars we'd have. It'd certainly be useful (especially if you're prepping for a big presentation at work), but we just want to know our all-time "like" and "um" count.
The Fresh-Breath Tracker
Sure, you can pop breath mints, but what if you don't have any on hand? That trick where you lick your hand and smell it doesn't work at all. This tracker's breath check could save you from a devastatingly embarrassing post-dinner-date breath incident.
The Snark Tracker
You know that little voice inside your head that whispers, Maybe you shouldn't say that, right before you blurt out something snarky or offensive? This tracker would be the physical embodiment of that voice — and hopefully, its instant advice on what will and will not go over well would actually save us from awkward conversations and "misunderstandings."
The Hydration Tracker
Okay, we know we can use the Fitbit app and other tracking apps to keep tabs on our hydration, but manually entering how many glasses of water we've downed each day is so 20th century. This tracker would automatically figure out exactly how much H2O you've sipped, so you never have to put in any effort again. Oh wait, a version of this already exists? Be still, my lazy heart!
The Bra-Washing Tracker
Bras are one of those items we know we should probably be washing more regularly...but, uh, don't. Consequently, we never know when they're actually dirty or just worn once or twice. The bra washer lets you know how long it's been since you last washed yours, so your white bra doesn't devolve into an unpleasant shade of gray.
The Dream Tracker
Sure, plenty of wearables can track your sleep, but they can't do the one thing we really want: tracking our dreams. This is the important part of sleeping, people. I need to know what happened between McDreamy and I when my alarm goes off in the morning and magically wipes my dream memory. Can you imagine if Sigmund Freud had access to something like this?
The Small Talk Tracker
Mayday, mayday! Why is your smartwatch blaring a silent alarm so strong your hand might fall off? Oh, because it's warning you that Debbie Downer is beelining straight for you at tonight's cocktail party and you need to get away, stat. Does someone have a puppy over there? No? Better go check it out, just in case.
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